All about authenticity

Here we are saying goodbye to another year.  For me this also means I am ending my themed year. My 2015 themed year was of authenticity and awareness.  I am sad to say goodbye and excited about all I have learned about authenticity and awareness.  Awareness and authenticity naturally work together to allow us to work to be who we truly are as opposed to who we or others think we are.  I find that this is a constant struggle and we have to constantly make decisions based on what we know to be right and what others may be calling for in a situation.

This constant struggle between being who you are and who you are expected to be calls for using courage and curiosity all the time.  It takes courage to go against the status quo.  It takes courage to find common ground and compromise.  Whichever direction you choose, it is important to stay curious about your responses, reactions, and reasons for coming to the decision you ultimately make. The combination of the ability to be curious about yourself and engage in courage to follow through with decisions can only drive you deeper in authenticity.  Using courage and curiosity raises your awareness of yourself in order to feel your true authenticity.

I also find that when you are deeper in authenticity, you make decisions easier.  I feel strong enough in who I am to know what I need and what my capabilities are.  I feel strong enough in my boundaries to be happy with my yes and no.  One of my favorite beginning practices that were influenced by my themed year is embracing being more than doing.  I find that when I choose being, I am more present which has opened up more positive possibilities for me.

I don't think it is a coincidence that courage and curiosity were a previous themed year for me.  It led me to authenticity and awareness.  (Drum roll)  And now it is leading me to the year of the ying and yang, living in ambiguity.  I welcome what learnings this will bring in 2016!  Thank you all for taking this new adventure with me.  More to come in 2016!

A holistic view

I have always loved Maya Angelou's quote, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."  It can be difficult to live out the quote when you want to remain optimistic about relationships long term.  The expectations that we put on family members and others we know so well are often not realistic.  Everyone's speed to their journey is so different, everyone is not prepared to really see themselves in the mirror.  I mean really see themselves in the mirror.

When you look in the mirror, do you really see who you are?  The reflection in the mirror does not tell the entire story, does it?  There is more to one's self besides the physical, one hopes, right?  We live a lifetime so we can know ourselves deeper than the surface.  The thing is not everyone is willing to take that deeper journey.  Naturally, you choose the pace of your life and have to make decisions everyday, every moment.  When you don't like what you find beneath the surface, take it as an opportunity to grow and develop.  If you can't take a long hard look at yourself, how can you judge and be fully honest with others?

I have always believed in a holistic view of a person.  All elements whether the body, spiritual, mental, emotional  or cultural health can be explored and transform a person.  I believe all these elements work hand and hand to make up the essential foundation of a person.  We have a lifetime to see and witness different parts of that reflection we look at in the mirror.  We have a lifetime to explore and grow the different angles and the different viewpoints that get reflected back to us.

How do you engage the parts of yourself that you consciously shy away from?  How do you allow for your different elements to work together so you are proud of and embrace the current reflection in the mirror?  As we enter winter, I think these are some great reflective questions, we could ask ourselves.  

Book Club

Folks always ask me what I am reading, probably because I am always reading.  I can thank my undergraduate and graduate education for this.  I learned how to read multiple books at the same time.  I am grateful for this good, continual habit.  As a life long learner, I crave knowledge, live in curiosity and love to explore.  As a writer, words inspire me and are so much fun to play with.

Right now, I am in the middle of Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic and Keith Ferrazzi's Who's got your back.  I recently completed Gloria Steinam's My Life on the Road and Brene Brown's Rising Strong.  I enjoy biographies and books that explore creativity.  I enjoy exploring deeper parts of myself and books that encourage ways to bravely look inward.  Reading and writing makes great room for reflection and growing. 

What would your book club look like?  As a coach and trainer, I always get asked about book recommendations in corresponding areas.  I have leadership, management, coaching and life book favorites that I am always recommending.  I also have creativity and writing favorites, too.  I do have loyalty to favorite authors, happily looking forward to their new books. 

If you follow this blog, you probably can see what I am reading just by my mentions and what I highlight.  I reference books and articles that I am engrossed in all the time.  I have a short list of what is to come for me, I am looking forward to Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes, Brigid Schulte's Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play when no one has the time.  and Kevin Powell's biography, The Education of Kevin Powell: A Boy's Journey into Manhood. 

#Selfcare

Recently, it was great to spend a day on #selfcare with experienced non profit professionals who work and/or have worked with youth.  One can speak to self care in so many ways.  We explored the holistic layers of emotional, physical, cultural and mental health.  We explored how emotional triggers can take us on a deeper journey.  We explored the challenges of being of service and working within larger systems.  We also explored making concrete plans of #selfcare.

It was great to see that workshops dedicated to #selfcare were well attended.  Participants were open and ready to explore how to better navigate care strategies and work challenges.  What does self care mean to you?  How do you make space for yourself and your needs everyday?  How do you balance your commitments and putting yourself first?  How do you show up for yourself everyday?

I believe in developing healthy habits.  This is the way I practice self care.  Nobody knows yourself like you do.  I know that emotions embed themselves in my hips.  This is one of the reasons why I love and do yoga.  I like to be focused and to do that I need to clear my mind.  This is why I love and do meditation.  This is a habit that helps me prepare for the day.

I guess now is a great time to decide on what new practices you would like to take on for the new year.  I am not one for resolutions instead I enjoy implementing new routines for 30 days.  What is a new practice that would support you right now?  Make the commitment and get to it!

A grateful moment

Timing is everything.  Along the same lines as thanksgiving, I want to take a moment of gratitude and thank you for exploring small and big life questions with me.  As well as how to integrate small, healthy strategies into our lives and lifestyle.  Thank you for the questions, comments and thoughts. Thank you for the shares and likes.  Thank you for the discussions and invitations to discuss these explorations further.

I will be taking a break these next few weeks for a holiday and to spend quality time with a loved one who continues to have health struggles.  You can find me on twitter @coachclari for simple, daily positive messages.  I'll be back as I am only 8 posts away from finishing a second full year of posts.

Be well, be grateful and spread love and light where you can.  Happy Holidays.

Note to masculine self

However we identify ourselves on the spectrum of gender, we all have a masculine and feminine side. I strive to balance these sides and find that I am strong and caring.  As Brene Brown describes in her book, Rising Strong, you can hold boundaries and be compassionate.  Let's live in the gray as opposed to the black and white.

Before I was living a more balanced life, I would have to remind my masculine self of some things like you don't have to be right all the time.  Be conscious of when you are choosing competition over cooperation.  This part of ourselves can be like what Harriet Lerner describes in her book, The Dance of Connection, as over functioning.  Over-functioners prefer not  to feel and just would like to do.  When you move too fast you can miss some things.  You also can leave others behind.  Remember doing with as opposed to doing for builds community.

There is more power in community than trying to go at it alone.  Everyone can use a helping hand. The next time someone offers a true helping hand, take it.  The masculine self can isolate us and only give commands.  Your ego becomes a great partner, sometimes the only partner that is driving you away from your true self.  Don't be scared of those who are in need of help.  You actually are one of these people too.  The thing is that your masculine self only wants to give so pull in the feminine side and receive as well.

One of the hardest beliefs to let go is seeing everyone as a problem to solve.  When folks are sharing about their lives, it is not to seek resolution.  Sometimes what is will be.  Everyone has their own process, ask if they would like your help.  Most people know how they can use your help, just ask how you can help.  You may hear that it was helpful just being heard.  You may hear a request and have to really listen.  The request may not be what you want for the other person.  Leading is just as much about following as it is about leading.

The open road

I guess there is a certain comfort in travel being born of parents who were not born in the US.  My parents were smart and planned the summers ahead enough to get them off.  My sister and I traveled to summer sleep away camps, dance camps and stayed with family out of the country over the school break.

I find you learn so much in travels.  What is it about an open road that welcomes new adventures and new understandings.  It is a gift to experience something new and to get out of the usual surroundings.  You take in the sites, leaving you in the present moment.

I have been in snow in June in the Rocky Mountains.  I have viewed the Presidents at Mount Rushmore as well as Crazy Horse in South Dakota.  I have seen bears live more than I would like to admit.  I have been steps away from an alligator in the wild.  I have our National Parks to thank for this as much as my travels.

I have taken every mode of transportation available thus far.  One year, when a huge snow storm hit the east coast, it took me a plane, train and automobile to get home on one trip.  These are only  a hint of my domestic travels, my adventures abroad have even begun in my home airport.  Gloria Steinem writes about what she has learned from her travels in her new book, My Life on the Road.  I probably could write two books about my experiences on the road at home and abroad.

We have to figure out how to take the breaks like the ones we get on the road.  It can be a break from the normal, a break from all we know.  It can be a break from everyday pressures and a well needed mental break.  What is it about the open road that clears our heads, and rejuvenates the soul?  What is it about the open road that opens up new pathways and can help us easily change direction?  What is it about travel that expands our minds and hearts?

Laugh with me

I guess my soul is sensitive.  I find that when I watch, witness or hear about traumatic situations, they can stay with me  longer than I would like.  Knowing since I was a child that shaking off such ideas and situations does not come easy for me, I choose to avoid them as much I can.  I elect not to watch horror movies.  Lucky I made it through Halloween.  It has proven hard to avoid.

I have never been one to scare myself either.  The thrill of the amusement park came and went while I was a child.  I guess it is the excitement and thrill of the adventure.  I prefer to laugh instead.  Laughing is the best free medicine.  It can be a goal of mine, sometimes.  After I have had a lot of heavy emotions run through me, I find ways to release it with laughter.  My strive for balance helps bring it in.

Light-hearted moments keep my heart open and balanced.  I laugh about and to myself all the time. There are so many other benefits to laughing.  I love it when I am laughing so much to the point of almost crying and how my abs get a workout.  I love it when I am laughing and not thinking of anything else.  I love how laughing can make me feel better and positive.  When was the last time you had a good gut retching laugh?

I am grateful life does not always call on us to be super serious.  Learning to add playful elements into your life seems to get more challenging as years go by.  As adults we need to incorporate play time into our schedules.  I challenge you to schedule such time.  Look for that great comedy movie or show, spend some time with some children, they can certainly remind you of how to play.

Why religion?

It is a cultural norm in the US to avoid conversations on politics, sex and religion.  It is interesting for me because much larger conflicts could be avoided if we actually had these conversations no matter how sensitive it can be.  I think we are getting better about talking about religion.  The media has been enjoying leading the conversation on politics while sex is still lagging behind.

Oprah is certainly taking the lead on spiritual conversations including ones of religion.  Her recent series, Belief celebrates all religions and traditions all over the world.  I watched over and over again how belief can bring people together in so many different ways.  This is what I enjoyed about religion in my early years of life: just coming together in community.  Nothing builds community like common values and beliefs.

I take bits and pieces of religions to satisfy my spirituality.  I have read and continue to reflect on the Tao te Ching and sound like a Zen Buddhist at times.  I recognize and know how Catholicism naturally seeps out from my Latina culture and subsequently in some of my actions.  Thomas Moore seems to suggest something similar in the book, A religion of one's own.

It seems that nowadays, folks are okay with claiming their spirituality whether religious or not.  Of course this means something different to everyone, For some it does mean participating in the religion of their choosing.  For others, it can be yoga, quiet reflection, meditation, silent retreats or other activities.  The common belief is that there is a greater power among us.

I guess I haven't been one to shy away from the harder conversations.  I wouldn't suggest making religion, sex or politics the subjects of a first conversation,  If the subjects come up naturally and you are comfortable, why not engage?  Exploring in community may be just as beneficial as exploring on your own.  Either way the final decisions are up to you.

Disappointment

Disappointment is an interesting state.  If you do not move through it quickly and steadily, you will only get into serious emotional states like sadness, anger and desperation.  When you make decisions you want to come from a more loving space.  Letting go of the old can make room for the new.  Sometimes we could not even have imagined the good in new until it arrives.  Most times we can not plan it completely.

I am grateful to be disappointment free.  I can share with you why.  Disappointment is about feelings of missed opportunity and sadness/displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.  I have learned to let go of expectation and instead I set intentions and live out my high standards and values.  I also have let go of the strong belief that I have absolute control.  The only thing that I have control over are my decisions moment to moment.  I do not take the power over anyone approach and hope my influence and expertise can move people to make the best decisions.

Acceptance is what we must work on to move through disappointment.  It is hard to look at the bigger picture when feelings of a small defeat dominate.  How do you get back up after a fall?  How do you look at all the elements when you are blinded by the smallest detail? Brene Brown's latest book,  Rising Strong addresses such issues.  She introduces a three step process that can help you get up when you fall.

Here are some ways you can strength acceptance in the mist of disappointment:

Let it out:  One way to avoid getting caught up in only emotion is to get it out physically.  Cry, yell, do what you need to do to let it all out.  Emotions can trigger reactions that are more about the issue at hand.  Physical activity can move emotions out of the body.  Be sure to practice compassion and give yourself space and time to confront the larger issue.

Gratitude: Counting your blessings can bring in a positive side to situations.  How can you make room for the new and let go of the old?  What can you appreciate about the situation?

Take a time out:  Taking a step back, can allow you to be more honest with yourself and clearly see the bigger picture.  Use the situation as a learning tool.  What can you learn from what has happened? What deeper understanding do you have of yourself, now?

Some of our greatest hits

People say all things come back.  Well, I have noticed the celebration of the 80's everywhere.  We do live in a cyclical world.  Remnants of the past still hang around.  The wedges and high boots are still around thanks to the 70's.  I have been seeing the 80's all over the place, so let's take a moment and celebrate the best of 80's.

The acid wash jeans are back.  Loud colors and mixing patterns are okay again.  Classic movies like the Breaksfast Club, and the Karate Kid are regularly on cable.  For some, big hair never went away.

What was it about the 80's?  Some say the decade had the best entertainment.  I must say, the music across the board was fantastic.  There were so many genres, house, freestyle, heavy metal, rock and much more.  I was busy making mix tapes and listening to vinyl.  MTV was born and introduced the video form of music.  We got to see the Culture Club with Boy George and how Girls want to have fun with Cyndi Lauper.  What is your favorite moment from the 1980's?

We were introduced to the likes of Whitney Houston and Janet Jackson had "Control."  Van Halen made us "Jump," while Michael Jackson dominated with the album Thriller.  I felt so good strolling with my walkman especially since I had made the mix tape that was playing.  With crack devastating the inner cities, you say posters and heard the slogan of "Say no to drugs," everywhere.

With a song like "Celebration" from Kool and the Gang to start the decade off, sums it up for me.  For me the energy of the 80's definitely stood out.  With theme parties, it is a popular decade to celebrate.   What have you taken from this decade?  What can we celebrate from it, today?

Being an upstander

I recently was introduced to new curriculum addressing bullying situations.  The language and way the scenarios are explored certainly address our modern times.  It is very impressive.  It calls for our young people to become upstanders.  People who speak up against injustices with poise and grace.  Like the known saying goes, "It is not what you say but how you say it."

This message among other messages stand out in this new approach.  Now, I notice the language everywhere including the slogan for the recent Global Citizen Festival, it read, "We are not a generation of bystanders, we are global citizens."  I see a lot of people promoting the transition from bystander to upstander.  This is what we are inviting young people to do.

The word Upstander itself is inspiring.  I see stand up, get up, be up just in the word.  As an upstander myself, I do have to choose my battles.  I let go of those that are already being taken up by other fellow upstanders, thank you!  Bullying goes beyond the physical realm.  Now there are ways of hurting people without them even being physically present.  We have the internet and cell phones to do the trick.

Being an upstander calls on us to be compassionate.  Compassionate with those who are having a bad day.  Call upon these feelings when you get upset and remember that you have a piece of that person's bad day recorded on your phone.  Compassionate with those who decide to share a photo you don't like of yourself and you think about one that you know they will not like.  Let's treat others the way that we would want to be treated.  How do you practice being an upstander?  How do you engage in difficult conversations?

Making changes happen

Shonda Rhimes has made things happen for television.  I think we can learn a lot from her accomplishments.  She has broken into a media outlet that is extremely exclusive and has exceeded rapidly within the medium.  Here are some observations that will help any manager:

• Consistency

All of her television programs deliver.  I welcomed her three shows on ABC on Thursday, the night named #TGIT.  I like to think of it as Shondaland.  None of the shows have ever held back and this has been consistent since the start.

• Story Focused

I image the shows are all about moving the characters forward.  For managers we are always thinking about moving the mission forward.  Are we reaching the goals set forth for the year?  Are we hitting the smaller goals that are moving us toward the larger ones?

• Diversity

Not only are we presented with beautiful casts, they come in all colors, sizes and shapes.  They represent much of the viewing audience, I bet.  I know it is harder for organizations to integrate diversity.  A lot of organizations just don't know how to recruit and maintain an inclusive environment.

• Social issues

The shows don't seem to shy away from current social issues.  There have been story lines that are reminiscent of real life situations that have taken place.  Perhaps figuring out how to address current events and consistent community issues can help organizations build an inclusive environment that welcomes diversity regularly.

• Complex characters

It is great to see flawed individuals overcome different situations the best way they know how.  As managers, we have to make decisions that sometimes lead to complicated and unwanted outcomes.  It is about how we navigate through such situations.  How do we bring the team together and rally for the best outcomes?

This is probably no wonder why Shonda Rhimes have been able to excel and excel quickly.  I will continue to support #TGIT.  I actually could continue to name more observations about all three shows.  Congratulations to Shonda Rhimes, ABC and all those involved!

"We'd be free"

Here on the east coast we are about to transition to fall again.  The autumn season always invites me to reflect and regroup.  I guess the thought of this has me going already.  I was wondering about how the world would look like without all the ism's, racism, sexism, terrorism, homophobia, and so on.  Perhaps I could walk down the street without a cat call or someone feeling like they could comment about me while getting close to my face.  Perhaps I could walk into a store and genuinely be approached for assistance.

The Williams Institute examined the effects of exposure to everyday experiences of inequality.  No surprise to me, the study showed how stress takes a toll on the life and health of a person.  For me, it has been the difference between surviving and thriving.  The difference between consistently putting out fires, and taking the time to draw up a plan and implement it.  Martin Luther King Jr.  had a dream and shared this dream with the world.  We need to be sure to open up space for ourselves and others to dream.

We do have to get back to the realities of the world.  Even despite them, I strive to thrive.  I understand why it is hard to dream when you don't feel safe, or accepted or like you can be yourself.  I understand why it is hard to dream when you have been rejected, turned away, beaten, arrested and even killed.  The civil rights movement and now the #blacklivesmatter movement is working to decrease some of these stressors in our lives.  Naturally, we cope and navigate these stressors in all kinds of ways and the best way we can.

Well, I continue to image a world filled with equity.  I have moments where I act like it already exist.  Perhaps this habit will bring such circumstances into existence.  We even have the soundtrack made with John Lennon's song, Image; "You may say that I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one, I hope some day you'll join us and the world will be as one."

The beginning of Zen

For me, inner peace is a top priority.   I believe the battles we have in our minds can be won.  Our inner struggles must be confronted in order for us to live our best lives.  Let's explore some Zen habits that would help us with this; These are common themes from the Zen Buddhist framework:

• Being in the moment 

If you are eating then just eat.  If you are taking a walk, just take a walk.  When I focus on what I am doing, I notice I enjoy it more.  I know now this can be a challenge because we move so much faster with having all the technology you can have in the palm of your hand.  I no longer believe in the idea of multi-tasking but believe in doing one thing at a time.  When I do this, I feel like I am living.  I enjoy my food more, or whatever it is I am doing at the moment.

• Sitting Quietly

I hear my deepest thoughts in stillness.  I love when my stillness speaks.  Zen actually means meditation and you do not even have to mediate to take a moment and get grounded.  I gain so much clarity when I take a pause when needed.  When I notice I feel rushed, or overwhelmed, taking a step back helps me move forward.  The beginning of such practices leads to the art of non-thinking. Which is about clearing the mind and also getting into a rhythm with the mind to release unwanted thoughts and making room for the real thoughts.

• Compassion

When you practice compassion, you must remember to be compassionate with yourself.  Accepting your feelings will help.  This is not easy to do and we must learn to trust our responses; our feelings tell us what we really need.  Sitting in pain, sadness, joy, relief can be difficult and it is necessary for us to move though whatever is happening for us at the time.  Compassion covers all areas, be compassionate with yourself when your body is going through changes, be compassionate with yourself when your feelings are difficult to sit with, be compassionate with yourself when you struggle with sitting quietly.

Keep in mind, "Practice isn't the thing you do once you're good.  It's the thing you do that makes you good."-The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

Show me a hero

I have been watching the HBO series, Show me a hero.  It has allowed me to explore the definition of a hero.  The one that I have found to be the best version of a hero is a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for brave deeds and noble qualities.  I realized that my heroes today and in the past have always been young people.

The many unknown faces and names of the civil rights movement were college age students.  Now we have the young unsung heroes of the #blacklivesmatter movement.  Can you name at least five other folks that were apart of the civil rights movement besides Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks.  The #sayhername movement wants me to say more names, names that others may not know.

What is the ability that young people have to question ethics, and strategize for peaceful outcomes? What is it about young people that keeps innovation and community present?  I wonder if I was a college student or slightly older during the civil rights era and/or now if I would be entrenched in either movements.  I wonder if our unattachments to certain beliefs and inexperience in younger age makes it easier to act hero like.  Is it that we actually believe in more possibilities?

As we get older and move toward certain ways of doing things, does this get in the way of being a hero?  Does it get in the way of our lives period? Of course, heroes come in all shapes, sizes, shades and ages.  Society just seems to highlight those of a certain age.  Wisdom and experience speak volumes for valued contributions from individuals.

Be a role model

It is interesting how people ask others to be a mentor.  It is usually a stranger that gave a great first impression during a speech or event.  I rather be surrounded by advisors of all kinds and ages with all sorts of business and personal insights that can give me feedback and listen to my intended strategies.  People who know me and I have gotten to know. I am surrounded by role models and mentors, people that I admire and look up to and call friend/family.

Being a role model is the difference between leadership and management.  It is about how you carry and demonstrate your leadership.  The values you exude.  It certainly is a responsibility but one that anyone could bear.  It would just push you to be the best you.

Think about who you follow and emulate.  What communities are you apart of, on social media and otherwise.  Do these persons and communities hold the same values?  What will your legacy be?  What are their legacy intentions?

Most of us are role models anyway.  It is easier to look outside ourselves and give advice and guidance.  It almost seems to come, naturally for some of us.  The hard part is following such knowledge in our own lives. I learn from everyone and everywhere including my peers and those younger than me.  Perhaps that is why I continue to work with youth whose honesty and curiosity match my own.

For me, being a role model is about healthy competition.  I want to outdo myself at every turn not anyone else.  I want to stretch, grow and be the best me.  In order to do this, I am grateful to be within many circles and among leaders that challenge me, pull me up and tell me the honest truth.  Who are the positive role models in your life?  Who walks their talk in your circles?  How do you model after these folks?

Surprise, surprise?

Hollywood seems to be surprised with the success of the film, Straight outta Compton.  Are you surprised?  I know I am not.  Hip hop used to be ours and now it is global.  The film shares a big chunk of hip hop history, particularly within the west coast hip hop scene.  The film has already made over 100 million dollars.  Not bad for a tale about five guys from L.A.'s Compton, U.S.A.

For me, NWA was the influential rap group that led the west coast rise of hip hop.  I remember when Ice Cube  became a solo artist, I did not connect him to NWA as easily as the others.  His album, America's Most Wanted, had such an east coast sound (probably because of the production of the album which was recorded in New York), I almost did not recognize Ice Cube.  It is one of my favorite hip hop albums still.

Naturally, I was among a diverse audience  viewing the film in New York. I was happy to see all ages, genders and races.  The marketing for the film was brilliant.  Telling a story is one thing, building your audience is another.  We need to continue to tell our stories and we also need to work to share them.  My favorite social media tool is the Straight Outta (fill in) memes.

I know that time did not allow completeness of all stories from the film.  I was disappointed not to see any follow up of MC Ren and DJ Yella.  MC Ren was a strong lyricist and dominated the group after Ice Cube departed.  I guess a story told by mostly males, unconsciously or consciously left out the female presence in hip hop at the time.  J.J
Fad's Supersonic was apart of the Ruthless history.  We did not see Michel'le or even Yo-Yo.

In the movie, Ice Cube describes NWA's music as "reality rap."  This is a huge part of my love of hip hop, telling the stories others won't and can't tell.  The only thing is if hip hop raised you like me, you know there were some holes in this story.  Since the story is not complete, I am looking forward to more sides of the storytelling.  Well audience we can await similar films.  I am ready.

Know thyself

I recently had some awareness during a recent conversation about the difference between knowledge of self and self-awareness.  I have noticed that when we speak of knowledge of self, there is a lot of cultural heritage and/or history involved.  As opposed to self awareness where you take note of your responses to situations, your personal patterns and behaviors.  Both allow you to get to know you and there is still a difference.

Self-awareness can operate on many levels.  There is the concept of self value which is how you see and hold yourself within yourself.  There is self esteem which is how you see and hold yourself in the face of others.  Finally, there is also self worth which is what you believe you deserve based on the value you place on yourself and the value you are to others.  Self-awareness helps us move through all of these levels.

Self esteem always seems to be analyzed because we are an external focused society.  I hear the word consistently in conversations regarding younger generations.  Perhaps we should be focused on how we impart both knowledge of self and increase self-awareness.  The more you know about yourself, the better you are at making the best decisions for yourself.  The better you are about adjusting to new and sometimes unexpected circumstances.

With the recent release of the film about NWA, Straight Outta Compton, this all remains me of that Ice Cube song, Check yo self.  How can we check ourselves before we wreck ourselves without self awareness.  The self knowledge and introspection need to be there.  The popular philosopher, Socrates stated over and over again to know thyself.  As one of his most famous quotes goes, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

How to community build

My dreams work when my team works.  This is the best way to build community.  Transforming our work team into a functional family may be a desire of any manager.  We spend so much time with our work family.  We need to make the absolute best of it.

As a community builder, I believe in using management and leadership skills at the same time.  I believe there to be a difference.  Managing is about making the best decisions for you and your team while leadership is about maintaining your best qualities.  Team work is about a lot of the "C's," communication, community, common goals, clear direction and cooperation.  Though leadership you set the example and through your management you set the course of action.

I feel so fortunate to be apart of such great teams over and over again.  As a community builder and community manager, here are some tips from a manager prospective:

Get to know your team: The best way to know your team is to know the strengths and weaknesses of everyone on it.  So get to know your team, professionally, where do team members thrive and where can they be challenged?  I believe each member should be put in both positions for continual growth.

Be there:  As a manager, it is your priority to meet with your team, individually and as a group.  These scheduled meetings should be a priority as well as making time when situations come up and need to be addressed.

Feedback: Most managers only work with a one way feedback structure.  To be more effective, be sure to open at least a two-way path, where you are giving and also receiving feedback.  You want to make opportunities to receive feedback from all angles and almost everyone you work with even if they do not report to you directly.

Culture building:  I enjoy beginning and maintaining community traditions, this helps build community.  Getting community together to celebrate, honor, recognize achievements and important days that mean something to community members is certainly beneficial and fun.

Professional Development: Professional development is how you can support your team members to work on their weaknesses and overcome some challenges.  Some team members will understand what help they may need, others you may have to advise and encourage.  Introduce team members to mentors, coaches, trainings and websites.  I have always built in professional development opportunities into the regular staff meeting time.  Learning in community helps community build.

What is transformation?

For me, transformation is more than just change.  It is an improvement process.  I guess it is another buzz word we have heard for some time now.  It's larger than change because personal transformation involves physical, mental , spiritual and cultural advances.  This is a thorough, radical and intentional growth.  I admire butterflys for such a transformational process.  I wish that I could have and go through what seems to be a seamless journey.

I was very much inspired after completing another 21 day mediation led by Deepak and Oprah, entitled Manifesting grace through gratitude.  It talked a lot about what you need for real transformation, gratitude, openness, and finding success through inner fulfillment.  Such centering thoughts included, "My personal reality begins inside me,... I find true success through inner fulfillment,....My highest self is with me all the time,....My true self shines with its own light."

The journey of transformation is about being in your body, feeling your feelings and being grounded in your values and beliefs.  Increasing your self-awareness and self-discovery only leads to being fully the person you were meant to be.  This is all about living your best life; living the life you were intended to live.  I like the way Dr. Robin Smith describes her journey of self discovery from Hungry: the truth about being full, "There had been sightings of me-times when I could feel, see, touch and taste my true colors." For me this describes the intention of transformation; to connect with our true self.

Dr. Robin Smith also goes on to describe what she calls the "Painful P's,"  among them pleasing, proper, perfection, pressing, pushing, promoting self and proving.  I could see how easily any of these Ps could interrupt a change process.  This is much of the outside influences that slow us down from getting to our openness, and real thoughts of influence.  It feels that the word reinvent gets attached to people who are able to transform.  They are usually folks who are open to taking themselves to another level.  When you connect with the higher self that is present all the time, it is easy to reinvent yourself or should I say transform?

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a "F" bomb for some, scary for others and a regular practice for me.  Some do not want to forgive and/or are not ready to forgive.  Forgiveness is definitely for the self as opposed for the other person.  It is about letting go and moving forward from a situation.  Hopefully, you learned from the situation, by no means do you have to forget.  This is all apart of the learning.  Those who have a challenge with self forgiveness, may have a harder time with the forgiveness of others.

I prefer to choose compassion instead of bottling up feelings that would cause me distress.  Whatever feelings we have, we choose to have, no one else is responsible for such feelings.  The thing is when we hold on to resentments and anger, we cause ourselves more pain most times than we need to take on.  The following are some practices that enable me to practice forgiveness:

Visualization- When I need to release old thoughts and feelings about a past situation, I visualize the person I need to forgive and visualize me forgiving them in person.  If this is even hard for you to do, just send that person some love and light until you are ready.

Affirmations- I have realized in this practice, I find it easier to forgive others than myself.  Positive affirmations help me to release some of the pressure I put on myself and the choices I make in life.

I-Messages- This is a known practice in conflict resolution particularly with younger kids.  It is about using I statements when addressing a situation that generated feelings for you.  This is a great exercise to articulate your feelings.  Expressing your feelings are apart of the "I" statement in addition to making a request for how to move on from the situation.

Letters/Journaling- Write a letter to a person/(s) that you felt wronged you.  It helps to find release and burn the letter after you have expressed yourself fully.

Gratitude- As humans we tend to focus on the negative instead of the positive.  Take a moment and be grateful for any good that has come out of hard situations.  As we may have heard before, "If there is no struggle, there is no progress." from Frederick Douglass.

The value of diversity

"Diversity: the art of thinking independently together."- Malcolm Forbes, Publisher Forbes Magazine

Over the weekend, I decided to go see the film, Trainwreck.  I wanted to support a film with a female lead, a female lead that wrote the film.  As a woman, I feel that it is important to do things our way as opposed to imitating the dominant culture.  I admire those who embrace their uniqueness.  If not how do we celebrate diversity if we all operate only as to what is socially acceptable.

Diversity is a strength, celebrating difference as well as common ground helps unite and educate each other.  Take a moment and reflect on the diversity we have all around us.  This is beauty and celebrate it however you are able.

In some ways, everyone celebrates diversity everyday.  We live our individual lives, right?  The thing is the richness of diversity lies in the exchange of ideas and experiences.  You honor your lifestyle and who you are when you share this with others.  Those of us who are already seen as different in society, have to make a choice to stay engaged in diversity.  At times, we get tired of validating our differences.  We have to choose to educate or educate another day.

The value in diversity is learning from differences while forming new modes of commonality.  This is on going as new persons are born into this world with their individual thoughts and beliefs every moment. There is always room to learn something new and learn from someone new. As the global landscape is more connected and smaller in measure, how will you manage difference?  Keep in mind, the way you may categorize someone, may not be the same way they categorize themselves.

Time perception

The whole concept of time is fascinating to me.  How and why time may move slow as opposed to speed by is experienced by everyone.  Some who study the brain would say that time slows down when you are focused on something specific.  Others who study the brain would say that time is related to how we process the information that is coming at us. 

My sense of time has left me and I am okay with that. It feels like time is more of a friend to me, now.  I feel like my sense of time is different now because I am more present in each moment.  The past and future feel very close to the present.  I speak of things that happened years ago and it feels like yesterday. 

I wonder if this is all happening because I have learned how to focus better.  I can be in the now, easily.  I know with time, we don't sense it like our five senses of taste, touch, smell, seeing or hearing.  Time is perceived and I guess my awareness of how I am perceiving it is different, lately.  As years move, I appreciate presence more.  I go with the flow and enjoy the present moment. 

Perhaps this is also a sign of my increased ability to let things go and practice non attachment.  I find that this practice allows me to be more grounded in myself which invites me to be more present.  How do you stay grounded in yourself?  How do you keep your mind from racing?  What is your perception of time?  Do you know how to slow time down for yourself?

The hunger to be

I have been reading the book, Hungry: The Truth about Being Full by Dr. Robin L. Smith.  It is great for a foodie like me to take in the metaphor of being full.  For me, it describes being at peace with yourself and what that may look like.  Dr. Smith shares her process and how her hunger continues to impact her journey. 

As a seeker, I am always hungry.  Hungry to explore and see what I am led to.  Hungry for opportunities to be the best self I am able.  Certainly, hungry to be all of me most of the time.  As the book points out, "the truth is we are all craving to be who we were born to be, and our souls are crying, "I'm dying to be me." 

The hunger pains can be difficult.  I know at times I avoid going into battle and choose to go along to get along.  I admit I have my moments when I let life get the best of me.  We have so many layers going on among all the "isms," responsibilities, and making it through the day.  As my seeker quest expands and fulls in more of my life, I choose more often to be the turtle against the hare and take things slow and steady.  I feed myself more often than not with knowledge, artistry, culture as well as with affirmations, stillness and movement.  Although, hunger is a constant, I look to fill myself up with positive and healthy items.  I strive for balance in life as much I strive for a balanced meal.

What are the things you crave in life?  How and why do you fill yourself up?  As I mention from time to time, detox your beliefs and release those that no longer serve you.  As Dr. Smith states, the truth is: "it is costly to ignore and deny yourself."  If you are not getting full, take a moment to look at what you are filling yourself up with. 

Compassion, the virtue

There is a heart meditation that Deepak Chopra leads that invites the words, peace, harmony, laughter and love to vibrate with your heartbeat.  We need more of these sentiments in the world today.  In this fear based society where violence lurks, we need to bring more kindness, compassion and love to light.  Martin Luther King Jr. captures it in the quote above. 

I talk about small acts of kindness often with this same intention.  We all can play a part in making this world a loving and peaceful place.   Make acts of kindness a priority in your life.  Start with yourself, do something kind for yourself, everyday.  I bet you can think of ways to be kinder to yourself, easily. 

I like to highlight compassion because I believe this will bring out the small acts of kindness.  Compassion sets up the stage for connection and correcting misunderstandings.  This is probably why we admire Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi so much.  They embodied compassion in a way we do not usually see.  Let's admire them and practice the lifestyle at the same time.  What kind act will you do for yourself today? 

Talking and other forms of healthy release help reduce violence.  Acts of kindness and compassion contribute as well.  Making that connection with someone, particularly when they feel isolated, and/or alone can make a difference.  As Mother Teresa reminds us, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless." 

The being and the doing

I don't think we talk about the difference between being and doing.  For the most part, we are all about the doing and getting things done.  For me, allowing myself to be enables me to get the doing part done more efficiently.  Now it is faster for us to communicate and we have so much power in the palm of our hands, doing is such a natural, rapid process.  Here are some reminders of how to instigate the being part of ourselves:

• Time out: when you really want to focus on something, it is okay to turn off your devices.  I even schedule silent time some mornings and entire weekend days.
• Practice non-attachment:  Do something off schedule, take a different route home, fit in something unplanned
• Take in the small things:  Feel the wind on your face, soak in some sun, check out the sunrise and/or sunset
• Sit in stillness: When you need a moment, take it whether at work or home. 
• Create something: write, paint, draw, creativity is such an inspiration. 

When I go with the flow of things and follow my instincts, I often surprise myself and come upon a happy accident.  I believe in one of the philosophies from the book, the New One Minute Manager by Spencer Johnson and Ken Blanchard, "People who feel good about themselves, produce good results."  For me the being and the doing can go hand in hand.   

Handle the truth?

The truth is a complex concept.  When we don't want to face the truth, we take a detour, circling other people's flaws and other focus points to avoid what we do not want to face.  Sometimes, we can't handle and/or don't want to handle the truth.  Like the famous line from the film, A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth," the truth can be hard to swallow.

At times, there are parts of ourselves that takes a process to digest in order to move toward acceptance.  Standing in front of the mirror reciting the genuine truth; what I know to be true, helps.  I find myself giving credit to my creativity when I am resourceful with handling the truth with how I perceive and express it.  I also credit my kindness when I hold back to gentle the blow for others.  We have to mindful about whether this is helpful or not.  It is not what you say, it is how you say it, right?

Our perception of events/situations has such a huge impact on how we take in the truth.  Some believe perception is truth, others believe perception is more important than truth.  Some believe truth can only be lived, others believe truth is perfect understanding of that which is.  What does truth mean to you?  How do you handle information, factual and otherwise?  What is your honesty process with yourself and others?

It is interesting how there is a handling of the truth.  We have to make decisions about whether we reject, process, share and/or adjust it.  The most important part of this all could start with "I" statements;  Beginning with taking responsibility for your version of the truth.  As the known phrase goes, "The truth shall set you free." 

Time in

There is so much emphasis on the outside, our appearance, what to eat, the weight, whether you are slim or not.  Here's the thing we have to work from the inside out.  Getting your mind right will help you make better choices with what you put inside your body, how you carry yourself and whether you exercise or not.  How do you find clarity?  How do you plan and move ahead?

We overlook the power of our minds and the influence of our emotions.  We turn to food for comfort, stress relief and/or even as a reward.  So if you are an emotional eater, you are probably going to reach for unhealthy foods when you are down.  Only you have the power with your thoughts and emotions to stay positive and stay in the best mood.  I am not saying to shy away from any emotional discomfort, I am saying welcome it and move though it the best you can.

Take moments to check in with yourself and recognize your emotional rhythms, your coping strategies and comfort activities.  If you raise your awareness of your natural rhythms, you can decide what is best for you when unusual occurrences fly in.  Perhaps then instead of going along with the low mood, you can still reach for a healthier snack with the thinking that it will help you feel better. 

I know the beautiful struggle with our emotions and thoughts can be hard to express.  This is probably why we don't have these conversations.  We need to practice!  Let's start discussing the struggle, we are all emotional beings!  Instead of dismissing discomfort so quickly, let's take the clues, signs and/or cue to dig deeper.  Let's take the time in to work from the inside out as opposed to just scratching the surface.  The energy that you put into covering up issues at the surface by working on the outside can be put to resolving the core of an issue. 

Empower at work

Being a part of a book called, The Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities, I get asked a lot about empowerment.  Naturally, there are many answers and questions that surely come with this word.  I always like to start with the (em) in power, the inner strength we all possess.  What I believe to be the foundation of empowerment.  As Alice Walker has stated, “The most common way that people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”  The basis of power starts with the individual first.  We must acknowledge and learn how to leverage this inner power.

Since we spend so much of our time at work, I also get asked how we empower at work.  This can easily start with community building and building an inclusive atmosphere and environment within the workplace.  Here are four ways to do this at work:

• Involve others in the process

Making decisions does not have to be a solo process; engage the community with clear and concise goals. 

• Confront the ego

The ego grows smaller and smaller when you have the courage and practice of confronting it head on.

• Invest time in others

Expanding the positive elements of organizational culture involves sharing organizational knowledge with newcomers at work.  Choose one person that you connect with organically and be a mentor.

• Practice mindfulness

Be mindful of adding cultural elements that can have a positive impact on the larger organization and/or communities within the organization such as starting traditions like acknowledging birthdays and/or community lunches. 

Keep in mind that you have the inside track because you are a member of the community so you know how others can benefit from such set traditions and other cultural norms in your organization.  Leverage this knowledge to uplift yourself and others at the same time.  This is what empowerment is all about.