Many masks, many hats

The many masks, the many hats we wear remind me of Halloween. A lot of us live in the dualities we face everyday. I have never really understood the tradition of Halloween and where it came from. Even as a child, I was not interested in putting on and/or creating a costume. I had a hard enough time being myself and learning who I was. I am not sure that I can say that I have ever put on a costume for Halloween. I am usually handing out candy to the neighborhood kids costume free.

What message are we sending kids about Halloween? I certainly can appreciate the creativity and playfulness behind it all. Are we teaching our kids to put on a mask and get rewarded? Are we teaching kids to hide behind masks? I have witnessed some meanness on the train during Halloween, kids thinking they are having fun and people are getting hurt at the expense of them hiding behind masks. Could we spread and send a message of give and take?

I should not take it that seriously and at the same time there are many messages that are subtle and unconscious that stay with us for a long time. Should we start talking to our kids about the many layers of ourselves and how we wear many hats, many masks? I am a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor, co-creator, author, community building, observer… I can go on and on. Perhaps we can use Halloween to encourage children to explore different parts of their selves. It tells a lot about a person which costume they choose, and/or if they make one.

As adults, perhaps we should explore the masks we put on and why? I think most of us know, going in to different situations what parts of ourselves, we need to be armed with. There are different roles we need to play, that changes with circumstance and awareness. Our roles may expand and contract, either way we learn and grow. What costume are you choosing this Halloween? What mask/costume would encourage the strength of who you are and what you need now?

Getting the message out

There are many ways to get a message out. You can write, teach and deliver a message in person. Looking back, I was such shy child. I mean painfully shy! Fast forward to junior high school, high school and my undergraduate years, when given a choice between writing a paper and giving a presentation, I would go with the later. Giving a presentation was a totally different experience for me when I grew a little older. I thought it was much painless than writing a paper, go figure.

In terms of public speaking and using it to teach and spread positive messages, I have probably hit my 10,000 hours. (Malcolm Gladwell presents a theory in his book, the Outliers about mastering skills) If you are working on your public speaking, practice, practice and practice. Malcolm Gladwell, goes on to say, “Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.”

I had a blast at my first book event this past weekend for the book that I am apart of, The Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion and Possibiltiies. It has been years since I spoke on a panel and engaged with an audience with such intimacy and connection. I used to present on panels and at conferences more frequently years ago. I was reminded of how inspiring it is and how much you learn from the experience. This is definitely why I almost always use the word teacher and student almost interchangeably.

Here are 4 fundamental tips for approaching presentations and public speaking:
• Speak at a slower pace
Your nerves may be getting to you and you may want to rush through, remember to breathe and you know you are doing well when you are speaking slower than usual. You want the audience to follow what you are saying and hear your message.
• Engage the audience
Remember to look up. You don’t have to look directly at audience members, you can look beyond them if needed.
• Work through the nerves
Remember to breathe. The audience has gathered because they want to hear what you have to say. You can walk them through the agenda and when you transition. Let them know what is next. You can include the audience in what is happening.
• Prepare, prepare
Prepare the way that you know is best for you, if you need to use index cards and/or print out your bullet points and/or entire paragraphs, go ahead and do so. Practice in front of the mirror, in front of live people, etc… Go ahead and gather your thoughts so your message is heard.

If you are in the New York area, and would like to join me at my next speaking event, follow me @coachclari on twitter and direct message me for any speaking engagement requests in and outside of New York City.

Restlessness

I attribute restlessness and rushing with outward influences. You worry about expectations, about time and about keeping up your reputation usually when either comes up. You look good with a list of accomplishments, right? Yes would be the common answer. Let me ask a follow up question. Does a list of accomplishments mean you are happy? Would it guarantee happiness? Doing something just to do it can feel so empty and purposeless. When you take action with intention with knowing your goals and targets; you probably will feel accomplished, and proud and joyful too.

This is the battle with restlessness. It takes time to decide what you would like your target(s)/goal(s) and intentions to be. Be kind enough to give yourself that time. When you feel the urge to charge in and take action; you probably should step back and ask yourself why do I want to do this now and how does it serve me in this moment?

We all have seen the signs of restlessness like when you second guess yourself, when you rush a project/goal, when the uncertainty is extremely uncomfortable, when your mind is running 100 miles per hour. A lot of times, this is happening because you are not connecting with yourself and your true thoughts but taking only into consideration the opinions and feedback of others. . Look to the body in these matters. The body provides clues to our emotional centers. I believe physical ailments are emotional indicators. A cold usually invades someone who is feeling overwhelmed and probably should slow down and ask for help.

When you are in a restless state you might be having a hard time getting focused and/or having a challenge with quieting your mind. When trying to meet a deadline and tackling a long to do list, take it one step at a time. Trying to take on all the items at once will not work.

What grounds you? What can you do to eliminate distractions? How can you raise your awareness when you need to step out of the restless state? What allows you to listen to your true self?

I believe restlessness withers away the more you step into yourself fully. This is what a holistic approach to leadership is all about. In my journey, this has meant accepting all of who I am, even the parts I want to reject and deny. When there is a level of acceptance, you know the areas you want to work on. Being honest about your strengths and weaknesses can help you navigate the choices you make in your life. This level of awareness allows you to transform positively and move closer to who you can truly be.

In Spirit Living

To be inspired, in spirit, connected to your true essence, motivated; gives me the strength to push forward, enjoy life and continue my seeker quest. I actively look for inspiration. Looking for it everywhere, brings me to find it at every turn. When you expect to receive, you are open to receiving.

It’s like when out-of-towners come for a visit and you rediscover the place you live in. I notice something new from their vantage point. Just like you learn something new with each new day. If you are open to new information, it will come to you. It brings out the value of gratitude. It also helps to avoid taking things, people and places for granted.

What are the natural connections that you make everyday effortlessly? I can get inspired by almost anything: a book I am reading, a quote I see, a surprise email, a movie, song, listening to the wind holler, admiring the way the sun reflects in the river. I can go on and on easily about the simpler things in life that bring me joy.

As you connect more with the essence of your being, I believe it becomes easier to remain open to inspiration. You recognize and value the essentials of life and being. Only you can decide your values and what your priorities are in this moment. Try it out for a couple of weeks; to actively seek out simpler things that bring you joy and observe yourself. Learning to live our best lives is a daily process.

All of these components help you ASPIRE to live your dreams. In order to do so, you must look within yourself and seeking out inspiration can connect you with your spirit. Once you are connected and you aspire; then a vision comes together for you and you can move toward it through goals and planning. Once the cycle sets in, you must remember to review and update your values and priorities after you reach a goal.

Inspiration reminds us why we are here. This reminder is so important as we get caught up in the doing part as opposed to the being part of ourselves. Spirit living; actively looking for inspiration will keep bringing you back to focus on your values and what is important to you. In turn you will move closer and closer to the vision you have for yourself. Do you see it? Do you dream it? Dream on.