#HappyHolidays

I am committed to taking a holiday this season. I will be taking a break and concentrating on the being part of me as opposed to the doing part that is always emphasized and can be on automatic some days. I encourage you to do the same like Madonna’s 1983 Holiday song goes, “Holiday, celebrate, If we took a holiday, took some time to celebrate, just one day out of life, it would be, it would be so nice.” They don’t really make classic songs like this one anymore. The song reminds me to celebrate and take a holiday!

Every year gets better! I am so ready, and welcome this down time. I have much to celebrate right now anyway, we all do. We have completed another year. I committed to posting a new blog every Tuesday and now 52 Tuesdays, later I am celebrating a year of blogging today! This year my first publication arrived, “The Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities and it is still available on amazon.com. What are you most proud of about this past year?

I am always most proud of my transformational moments and how much better I am today because of them. I am committed to growing and learning as a person. After this holiday, I can look forward to new adventures! You with me?

My one request this holiday season is to CELEBRATE. Celebrate all of you. It should not only be about celebrating accomplishments and positive feedback. Celebrate yourself by treating yourself with kindness and compassion. I celebrate you in this moment and I thank you for taking time to follow this blog. It means the world to me to be able to serve you.

In the spirit of Holiday and celebrating, this will be my last blog of the year. I will see you in the New Year with a new theme of awareness and authenticity. I look forward to new inspiration and learnings that I will share with you. Thank you and #HappyHolidays!

Ready, set, goal

It is the goal setting time of year. Are you hitting that reset button and getting ready for the New Year? Are you coping or strategizing? Are you moving closer to your life’s vision? What are the smaller steps you need to formulate to get there? Here are some steps that can assist you with reaching your goals and even setting them.

1. Start with the end in mind. What is your vision? Visualize yourself where you want/ how you want to be.
2. Work with what you have. It is interesting how we overlook ourselves and our skills. Start from the inside out instead of the outside in when developing and setting your goals. Use your experience and knowledge you already have.
3. Keep a positive attitude. Perseverance and patience is what we need to call upon when working toward goals. Although it can be frustrating, keep your eye on your target. Things may not go as smoothly as we plan and preparing allows you to be flexible.
4. Take smaller steps to your larger vision. To stay accountable, make sure you reevaluate your priorities from time and time and ask yourself is this getting me closer to my ultimate goal?

What you focus on grows. Stay focused on what you want. Once you have set your goals. Put them up on your vision board, on the fringe, and other places where you can see them all the time. The theme of my year keeps me focused (Look for that blog post if you have not read it yet; my themed year). You are also in control of your schedule. Make sure to make choices that make time for the goals you set. I try not to do everything at once. I like working up to a goal by taking one step at a time with those smaller goals being reached first.

#blacklivesmatter

The US is just beginning to finally get a glimpse of  how racism impacts black people.  The nation is beginning to be aware of the epidemic of violence that is unleashed upon black people from persons designed to protect and serve.  The death rates and lives lost of black people are beyond words.  The world is just beginning to get a glimpse of why communities of color have trouble trusting the police. 

People have been killed because of the culture of policing in this country since its inception.  What is the saying?, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”  I have not heard any mention of a “post racial America” since the pattern of policing has continued to be featured everywhere. 

I am so proud and thankful for my fellow New Yorkers, those who have wore black in solidarity; who continue to have this real and serious conversation about racism, about police violence; participated in the die ins across the city; the protests that have held up traffic at major bridges, tunnels and highways.  Yes, I said die-ins, this is where protesters lay down on the floor like they are dead.  This is serious people, people have been killed. 

Instead of seeing lynched black people hung for the world to see, we are seeing them in videos getting beaten and killed.  We are watching black people laying shot dead in the middle of the street.  We are watching innocent black men and women get dehumanized and criminalized by the words of influential people.  

the National Hands Up Campaign, has a petition you can sign, copy and paste the link:

https://www.change.org/p/president-barack-obama-we-demand-national-change-to-protect-citizens-and-communities-from-police-violence-and-misconduct

As the Federal government continues to investigate police departments across the country, I believe the following two items need to be added to the recommendation portion of the conversation:

·         Demilitarize all police departments in the US

Military weaponry and tear gas do not have any place within communities.   

·         Initiate dismantling racism work within police departments

Racism is embedded in all of the systems in this country and we must start somewhere to reverse this. 

The soul of police work needs to shift back from violence & only defending one’s self even when no threat is present to being PEACE officers.  What happened to upholding the law?  What happened to protect & serve?  In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

RIP Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Rekia Boyd, Luis Rodriguez, Amadou Diallo, Oscar Grant, Sean Bell, Ezell Ford, Dane Scott, Wendell Allen, Derrick Williams, John Crawford III, and the countless others who have been killed by police violence.  Read their stories, tell their stories, take a moment of silence and get involved.  All lives matter, black lives matter too. 

My themed year

This is the time of year to reflect and see what has been working. At least, I think this way. We have arrived at the last five weeks of 2014. This is the time to sit with, “what do you want?” However you choose to explore questions like these, this is the time. I like to start the New Year with focused intentions and clear thoughts. Ask yourself, “What do I want more of in my life?”

Clearing up your thoughts, allow you to decide on what you would like to zero in on in the year to come. I have a few more blogs to go to make a year anniversary. For me, I set a few new goals for the year and then others come naturally. My goal last year was to blog once a week and now I am almost at 52 weeks. What will be your top priorities for the year to come? How do you see yourself in 2015?

Sit with these questions so you can ring in the New Year with clear and focused intentions. For the last two years, I have let themes drive my year. In 2013, my themed year was faith and forgiveness. In 2014, I have been focused on courage and compassion. I have let a new theme arrive for 2015 and will reveal it, shortly. These themes have helped me stay focused and have encouraged truth and self discovery. I welcome you to invite your own themes into your life.

As you reflect and sit with the most pressing questions that can clear up your path for 2015, record what comes up. Whatever speaks the loudest and is consistent is what you need to pursue. My theme for 2015 will be awareness and authenticity. I am looking forward to raising my awareness and digging deeper into my true authentic self. This will keep me balanced, if you follow this blog you know that I have defined balance as staying on your path.

How do you prepare for 2015? What do you need to do to get ready and make room for the new? Naturally, making physical space helps make room. Clear out your closet and give away what you don’t use. The book Simplify your life by Elaine St James is a great book for slowing down and enjoying what you have in your life and how to clear up space for what is really important to you.

Another great way to end the year is to make a joy and meaning list. What brings you joy? What brings out meaning in your life? Make a commitment to carry out the lists throughout the New Year. Well, again there are just weeks left in 2014, ready for 2015? I know I am getting ready.

I am grateful for the struggles

                                             

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”- Frederick Douglass. The mistake we make is to get so distracted by the struggle; we fail to recognize the progress. Avoiding conflict and avoiding the truth can be an obstacle to growing yourself into more of the person you aspire to be. Fear stops us from the natural growth process. You live and you learn, right? This is why today, I am choosing to take a moment and share my gratitude for my struggles which have lad to my progress as the person I am.

For me, gratitude is an experience for every moment. During this time of year, let’s think about gratitude. This is a great reflection period, ending the year with reviewing all that has happened and planning to make room for both newness and the good of what has taken place. The biggest question this time of year is probably, “What are you most grateful for?”

I am most grateful for my struggles and mistakes. This is where I grow and learn. My struggles with how to integrate my identity and how I identify myself, enables me to know who I am. The life long learner side of me turns my struggles into the best parts of me. I am grateful for my struggles for they show me, different parts of myself. I am grateful for mistakes made because I learn and move to the next level. I am grateful that I am open to learning and moving on. I am grateful it doesn’t take me long to know what a mistake is giving me. It gives me the opportunity to reflect and choose again. It gives me the opportunity to challenge and stretch myself. I am grateful to uncover more of my true self.

We must take responsibility and be accountable for our part in our struggles. Being greatly attached to certain beliefs about ourselves can perpetuate a self fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are not worthy, then you won’t be worthy. If you believe people will only see certain traits then that is all they will see. Some beliefs about yourself may be self limiting. Chang your mind and you may change your direction.

We have shifted away from using and living words like “character.” The actions we take and decisions we make during hard and good times, build character. Our actions become habits building parts of who we are. As Mahatma Gandhi stated, “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”

Act as if

There is positive pretending that can go on in one’s life like what Harriet Lerner talks about in her book, the Dance of Connection. Pretending to have courage just may allow you to have enough to actually become more courageous when needed. We all know the phrase, “fake it until you make it.” Acting as if you are already who and what you want to become. Instead of faking it until you make it, in her TED talk, Amy Cuddy expresses a similar sentiment about the way body language shapes who you are. Amy suggests, “You fake it until you become it.”

In many ways we have been teaching kids all of these messages. Act as if you are sorry is an excellent example. When a child hits another child and/or has an unpleasant interaction, we ask them to apologize. Most likely, the younger the child, the more unknowing and unaware they are that they acted unpleasantly and even more so that an apology would be appropriate, right? It takes children awhile to understand why they are apologizing and with more experience they know when an apology is appropriate and needed.

Acting as if is a great strategy to reach a goal. You have a clear, focused intention. Amy also talks about how the mind influences the body just about the same as the body influences the mind. For acting as if to work, take on all of the details. How would your body feel? How would you look? What would you say? How do you feel?

This is your opportunity to have the full experience. Take on a mentor, who is who you want to be more of and/or in a position you aspire to. Join a like minded community where you have many people to exchange and share with about a specific topic and/or industry. Sites like meetup.com make it easy to do as such. Like attracts like so you can also initiate such a community in your own unique way. For example, I hold and participate in brunches with colleagues and peers I admire and know I can learn from.

So your assignment if you choose to is to act as if. You have to decide what that will be. Once you make that decision then, as Amy Cuddy suggests, “Fake it until you become it.” This may be easier than you ever imagined.

Healthy routines

How do we keep on our road to our highest good? I believe healthy rituals and lifestyle practices will certainly contribute to such. What are your daily practices that keep you centered? Weekly, monthly practices? What healthy lifestyle practices have you integrated into your life?

Healthy routines and rituals are great to practice to uplift your spirit and keep you centered. What brief activities can you participate in everyday that will set you up for a productive day?

Here are some things you can incorporate into your daily life:
• Breathe
Simply taking a moment to focus on your breathe does not take up much time and can help you take a break before pushing forward.
• Mantras/Affirmations
Simply write a short affirmation and/or pick one that you know will help you throughout the day. Affirmations and mantras are short positive phrases and/or statements. You know yourself best so choose one that will work for you in that moment.
• Physical activity
If you can’t take time to go to the gym, do some yoga or slip in a walk during lunch and/or on the way or leaving work, be sure to stretch in the morning and throughout the day, and/or take some time to dance it out when you arrive in the evening from work, you can have a dance party with your kids
• Journaling
Reflecting on the day, helps people let go of the day and decide on new goals for what is to come. If you do not have much of a commute to work to write a journal entry, how about a moment before you go to bed?

The most important first step is to make a commitment. Decide what practice is best for you and go for it. Do not over commit; just pick one or two things you can do every day. Once you establish your routine and integrate it into your life, you can update your daily practice. Apart of practicing a healthy routine is knowing when you need to update your practice so you can move to a higher level. For example, I mediate daily. In order for me to practice non attachment, I change the way I mediate every month. I spend a month on mantras, sometimes on breathing, other times with sound, so on and so forth. If you get overly attached to the usual routine it might not be beneficial any longer.

The question of balance

Balance seems to be a popular word these days that is overused. It is also a common question that I get as a coach and consultant, “How do I get more balance in my life?” I recently explored and reached a definition of the actual word, balance that works for me right now.

In a world that functions in multi-taking, I find that what people may be truly striving for is to be present. I think people who are asking about balance,are really striving for learning how to be present. We live in a culture where Attention Deficit Disorder is more than well known and over diagnosed. We need to re-learn and focus on doing tasks one at a time. Reach one goal at a time then move on to the next one.

I think balance for some is about giving equal time to different roles in their lives. I would not define balance in this way. I am not sure if this is achievable. Sometimes your role as a mother will take up more time than other roles in your life because your child is younger and needs more attention. Folks struggle with letting a role dominant their life, it can be a conscious or unconscious choice. Other times, you get stuck in a role you want to break out of.

The struggle here, I see is the desire to make time for one’s self. The questions we should be asking here is, how do I disconnect and take a break from doing? What would that look like? The gift is in the being, not doing. Like Ram Dass reminds us, “You are a human being, not human doing.”

Society is becoming commitment phobic, make a single commitment and follow though. If you have decided to spend the afternoon with your family then do just that. Turn off your phone if you know it will disengage you from any distractions. Relearning has to be done around NOT doing and being present. If you are doing three things at one time, you are not able to give a hundred percent. Being busy and maintaining being busy isn’t as honorable as it used to be unless of course your busy has a purpose.

So I will leave you with my new definition of balance. I explored what balance is during a workshop at the Black Girl Project’s annual sisterhood summit, where I asked a Kemetic Priestess her impressions of balance. I enjoyed what was shared; balance is staying on the road to your highest good. For me, that means staying connected with myself no matter what. That may mean that I need a moment of silence, you can ask that from anyone. It also means continuing to maintain my mediation and yoga practices. These practices keep me connected to my instincts and my true center. What rituals do you need to put in place to do that for yourself? What is your definition of balance?

Many masks, many hats

The many masks, the many hats we wear remind me of Halloween. A lot of us live in the dualities we face everyday. I have never really understood the tradition of Halloween and where it came from. Even as a child, I was not interested in putting on and/or creating a costume. I had a hard enough time being myself and learning who I was. I am not sure that I can say that I have ever put on a costume for Halloween. I am usually handing out candy to the neighborhood kids costume free.

What message are we sending kids about Halloween? I certainly can appreciate the creativity and playfulness behind it all. Are we teaching our kids to put on a mask and get rewarded? Are we teaching kids to hide behind masks? I have witnessed some meanness on the train during Halloween, kids thinking they are having fun and people are getting hurt at the expense of them hiding behind masks. Could we spread and send a message of give and take?

I should not take it that seriously and at the same time there are many messages that are subtle and unconscious that stay with us for a long time. Should we start talking to our kids about the many layers of ourselves and how we wear many hats, many masks? I am a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor, co-creator, author, community building, observer… I can go on and on. Perhaps we can use Halloween to encourage children to explore different parts of their selves. It tells a lot about a person which costume they choose, and/or if they make one.

As adults, perhaps we should explore the masks we put on and why? I think most of us know, going in to different situations what parts of ourselves, we need to be armed with. There are different roles we need to play, that changes with circumstance and awareness. Our roles may expand and contract, either way we learn and grow. What costume are you choosing this Halloween? What mask/costume would encourage the strength of who you are and what you need now?

Getting the message out

There are many ways to get a message out. You can write, teach and deliver a message in person. Looking back, I was such shy child. I mean painfully shy! Fast forward to junior high school, high school and my undergraduate years, when given a choice between writing a paper and giving a presentation, I would go with the later. Giving a presentation was a totally different experience for me when I grew a little older. I thought it was much painless than writing a paper, go figure.

In terms of public speaking and using it to teach and spread positive messages, I have probably hit my 10,000 hours. (Malcolm Gladwell presents a theory in his book, the Outliers about mastering skills) If you are working on your public speaking, practice, practice and practice. Malcolm Gladwell, goes on to say, “Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.”

I had a blast at my first book event this past weekend for the book that I am apart of, The Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion and Possibiltiies. It has been years since I spoke on a panel and engaged with an audience with such intimacy and connection. I used to present on panels and at conferences more frequently years ago. I was reminded of how inspiring it is and how much you learn from the experience. This is definitely why I almost always use the word teacher and student almost interchangeably.

Here are 4 fundamental tips for approaching presentations and public speaking:
• Speak at a slower pace
Your nerves may be getting to you and you may want to rush through, remember to breathe and you know you are doing well when you are speaking slower than usual. You want the audience to follow what you are saying and hear your message.
• Engage the audience
Remember to look up. You don’t have to look directly at audience members, you can look beyond them if needed.
• Work through the nerves
Remember to breathe. The audience has gathered because they want to hear what you have to say. You can walk them through the agenda and when you transition. Let them know what is next. You can include the audience in what is happening.
• Prepare, prepare
Prepare the way that you know is best for you, if you need to use index cards and/or print out your bullet points and/or entire paragraphs, go ahead and do so. Practice in front of the mirror, in front of live people, etc… Go ahead and gather your thoughts so your message is heard.

If you are in the New York area, and would like to join me at my next speaking event, follow me @coachclari on twitter and direct message me for any speaking engagement requests in and outside of New York City.

Restlessness

I attribute restlessness and rushing with outward influences. You worry about expectations, about time and about keeping up your reputation usually when either comes up. You look good with a list of accomplishments, right? Yes would be the common answer. Let me ask a follow up question. Does a list of accomplishments mean you are happy? Would it guarantee happiness? Doing something just to do it can feel so empty and purposeless. When you take action with intention with knowing your goals and targets; you probably will feel accomplished, and proud and joyful too.

This is the battle with restlessness. It takes time to decide what you would like your target(s)/goal(s) and intentions to be. Be kind enough to give yourself that time. When you feel the urge to charge in and take action; you probably should step back and ask yourself why do I want to do this now and how does it serve me in this moment?

We all have seen the signs of restlessness like when you second guess yourself, when you rush a project/goal, when the uncertainty is extremely uncomfortable, when your mind is running 100 miles per hour. A lot of times, this is happening because you are not connecting with yourself and your true thoughts but taking only into consideration the opinions and feedback of others. . Look to the body in these matters. The body provides clues to our emotional centers. I believe physical ailments are emotional indicators. A cold usually invades someone who is feeling overwhelmed and probably should slow down and ask for help.

When you are in a restless state you might be having a hard time getting focused and/or having a challenge with quieting your mind. When trying to meet a deadline and tackling a long to do list, take it one step at a time. Trying to take on all the items at once will not work.

What grounds you? What can you do to eliminate distractions? How can you raise your awareness when you need to step out of the restless state? What allows you to listen to your true self?

I believe restlessness withers away the more you step into yourself fully. This is what a holistic approach to leadership is all about. In my journey, this has meant accepting all of who I am, even the parts I want to reject and deny. When there is a level of acceptance, you know the areas you want to work on. Being honest about your strengths and weaknesses can help you navigate the choices you make in your life. This level of awareness allows you to transform positively and move closer to who you can truly be.

In Spirit Living

To be inspired, in spirit, connected to your true essence, motivated; gives me the strength to push forward, enjoy life and continue my seeker quest. I actively look for inspiration. Looking for it everywhere, brings me to find it at every turn. When you expect to receive, you are open to receiving.

It’s like when out-of-towners come for a visit and you rediscover the place you live in. I notice something new from their vantage point. Just like you learn something new with each new day. If you are open to new information, it will come to you. It brings out the value of gratitude. It also helps to avoid taking things, people and places for granted.

What are the natural connections that you make everyday effortlessly? I can get inspired by almost anything: a book I am reading, a quote I see, a surprise email, a movie, song, listening to the wind holler, admiring the way the sun reflects in the river. I can go on and on easily about the simpler things in life that bring me joy.

As you connect more with the essence of your being, I believe it becomes easier to remain open to inspiration. You recognize and value the essentials of life and being. Only you can decide your values and what your priorities are in this moment. Try it out for a couple of weeks; to actively seek out simpler things that bring you joy and observe yourself. Learning to live our best lives is a daily process.

All of these components help you ASPIRE to live your dreams. In order to do so, you must look within yourself and seeking out inspiration can connect you with your spirit. Once you are connected and you aspire; then a vision comes together for you and you can move toward it through goals and planning. Once the cycle sets in, you must remember to review and update your values and priorities after you reach a goal.

Inspiration reminds us why we are here. This reminder is so important as we get caught up in the doing part as opposed to the being part of ourselves. Spirit living; actively looking for inspiration will keep bringing you back to focus on your values and what is important to you. In turn you will move closer and closer to the vision you have for yourself. Do you see it? Do you dream it? Dream on.

Spirit Lift

Fall is here and winter is on the way. We need to maintain that bright sun that we get in the summer in our hearts for the other seasons that follow.

We all have days where we feel like blah! How do you make that shift and lift your spirit? Why don’t we speak more often of the inner fitness battles we all face? We constantly have to work on matching our outsides with our insides and vice versa. When you feel good, you do good and attract more good into your life and being.

Here are seven ways you can boost your spirit
• Affirmations; these positive statements can help you fake it until you make it. Say them out loud, in front of a mirror and as many times as you need.
• Physical activity; go to the gym, do yoga, go for a run, play sports, physical outlets can release negative energy and thoughts. If you can’t fit this in, go for a stroll around your neighborhood and/or on the way home. Being in nature helps too.
• Meditation; Give your mind a break and take 20 minutes in stillness, even if you find it in a bathroom stall.
• Music; put on your favorite song and rock out! Music can be so inspirational and get you moving.
• Laughing and smiling changes my mood easily. Watching a comedy and/or just faking a smile until you feel it, helps. Having a great conversation with a friend that has me all smiles and laughs is great too.
• Be of service; volunteer and take the focus off of you for a change. Help uplift someone else’s day.
• Be in Gratitude; Having a good attitude and thinking good thoughts can influence your mood for the better. Remind yourself what you are grateful for. Go through photos, journals and memories of good times.

It is one thing to be in spirit and it is another to acknowledge and know when your spirit needs lifting. Being in spirit is what we all should be striving for; inspiration. The challenge is in reaching out and taking the first steps back toward yourself. Instead of isolating yourself because you are not up for company, challenge yourself to reach out. Ask for affirmations from a friend/family member you know you can trust and open up to. Sometimes above all these spirit lifters mentioned, we need to get things off of our chest. Be courageous and do the best thing for yourself.

How do you lift up your spirit? I bet you do it easily for someone else. Just remember that the times we would like to shut down and isolate ourselves, are the times when we need to actually reach out to others. Look for inspiration and strive to be inspired, this keeps my spirit lifted.

Time to regroup

It’s autumn again, today we have equal parts of light during the day as we do of darkness over night. This force upon us invites us to reflect and regroup. How would you like to end this calendar year? What new goals are there to set? If you follow this blog, you know I always speak of performing belief reviews. Updating your values, and beliefs, keeps you connected to who you are. Detox your beliefs and release those that no longer serve you. Now is a great time.

All transitions are opportunities. In the book Life Code, Dr Phil ask three questions in a moment like this, What works? What do I need to stop doing? What do I need to start doing? Let’s celebrate this shift with going with the flow of renewal.

Exciting things are already happening. The People’s Climate March took place just days ago. It is a beautiful statement of the world coming together in honor of Mother Earth. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world gathered together in New York City to pay respect to, stand up for, honor and speak of the importance of how we should take care of Mother Earth. Our connection to Mother Earth is easily displayed through seasonal changes like this one. Our transition to fall influences our thoughts, actions and patterns.

The leaves and colors of the season make it easy to reflect and regroup. As a people, perhaps we are trying to reflect and regroup with our plans to keep Mother Earth vibrant and well taken care of. Reflecting is about looking back to what we have learned and gaining some clarity around how to move forward. Knowing your focus/intention is very important. Once you have set that goal then you can “leave the details to the Universe” Deepkah Chopra.

I am looking forward to reflecting and taking this time to gather information. Look for the moments where you can be still with yourself. I have learned how to truly enjoy a cup of my favorite chai tea. I let thoughts slowly move and see where my mind needs to be. I ask myself questions and the answers show up. This season I will seek the still moments and live by the words of Brene Brown, “What we know matters, who we are matters more.”

What is empowerment?

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

In some regard, I have always seen empowerment as leading from behind, giving others the space to grow and learn. It’s been my teaching strategy to give students of all ages, information, tools and options for them to make informed decisions. For me, power sharing and collaborating are natural demonstrations of empowerment.

What empowerment is NOT
It is not just delegating to prove to yourself that delegating can get done. Some take on too much and are forced to turn over and give up control. Some feel stuck and know forward movement needs to happen. Healthy delegation is when you match assignments to persons skilled in the corresponding area. I value team membership for this reason. You do not feel alone and nor do you have to work alone if you are surrounded by active team members.

Talking at people is neither a source of empowerment. Kids do what you do, not so much what you say and tell them to do. Like the well known proverb, “Action speaks louder than words.” It is what I believe the difference between management and leadership to be. Management is about making the best decisions to move teams and projects forward. Leadership is about demonstrating action and role modeling duties and behaviors that benefit teams and projects.

POWER
Let’s talk about the power in empower. How do you build your power, build your voice and your confidence? How do you lift others up to do the same? Most definitions of empowerment include giving power to someone else and/or authorizing power to others. I think it is about power with as opposed to having power over. How do you use your power for good and for the good of others?

A great example of empowerment is activity and creating spaces like Proud to be a Latina’s EmPower Hour. A topic based discussion lead by experts to share information and allow for questions and answer. Empowerment allows for gathering information in intentional spaces to inspire, inform and gather community.

My definition of empowerment changes all the time. Right now, I envision an empowered person as someone who is confident, connected to their purpose and a proactive leader. Continue the dialogue and check out the new book, the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities now available on amazon.com.

Simple living's best

For some, simple living is about living without many possessions and being a minimalist. I believe it is about living intentionally and with integrity. Essentially, simple living for me is about living your best life. It is about keeping the distractions to a minimum and keeping the things of quality and of happy living in your life. The best model and example of simple living has been the book and principals of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I use them as ground rules for groups, and encourage you to use them in all ways you can. Let’s take a look at these four simple principals:

Be impeccable with your word: For me, this is about making commitments to myself that I need to complete. After you learn how to follow through with promises to yourself, you surely can easily keep your word to others. Our words represent us and what we stand for. In living simply, you set realistic goals and achieve them; you live in your purpose and joy.

The other important part about being impeccable with your word is the fact that words have energy. What is the intention behind the words that you use and when you use them? Like the ancient golden rule goes, “Do unto others, as you would like done unto you.”

Don’t make assumptions: I like to ask clarifying questions to be thorough and to avoid any misunderstandings. It is important to learn and know what you need and want. Others can not read your mind nor do they want to sometimes. Everyone understands situations and conversations differently as we are all unique individuals. The more questions you ask, the more likely some common understanding will be established. Why guess what people are thinking, when we can simply ask.

Don’t take things personally: This reminds me to focus on the bigger picture and that life goes beyond just me. I have avoided so much pain and suffering from living this principal day to day. I have come to understand when others criticize me and try to put their actions on me, that in fact it is about their experience and how they see themselves in the world. We are responsible for ourselves, not anyone else.

Do your best: Knowing that I tried whether I succeed or failed, makes all the difference. Your best will look different under changing circumstances. You do better when you’re well and emotionally level. If you know who you are, you know when you are doing your best and when you can give more. In living simply, doing your best not only yields better results, it makes you feel good.

Surrender and maintain standards

“Our source of suffering is always related to our resistance to what is. The soul doesn’t try to control life; the ego does. When your ego is wrapped firmly around a desire, your peace of mind and happiness are held hostage by an obsessive need to control the outcome. After enough pain and suffering, you’ll eventually get the message: If you don’t learn to surrender your will, you will surrender your peace.”- Cheryl Richardson

I believe in developing and maintaining standards. I also believe in surrendering. Our attachment to expectations causes so much suffering and frustration. I offer surrendering or at the very least allow your expectations to change as you continue to engage with purpose and all of who you are.

The real difficulty is letting go of unrealistic expectations. Let’s surrender to what is as opposed to drawing attachment to these thoughts. Like self-love and self-discipline, standards are something that have to be established independently, unlike expectations that can be imposed from a variety of sources including culture and your up bringing. Standards grow out of your values and how you see and carry yourself. Standards are established and then others know how to treat you.

Standards remind me of the flight policy of putting your mask on yourself before you help others. At some point, we have to let go of other people’s expectations. The well wishes and good expectations others put on us should be just that well wishes. Taking the expectations on are another story. They may limit us and go against what comes natural to us. Like the sticker my mom had hanging on our door while I was growing up read, “Vive tu vida, no la mia.” (Live your life, not mine).

It’s up to all of us to manage expectations and maintain the standards we need in our lives. Surrendering to what is, allows us to let go and move from the present. Start by practicing non attachment to expectations, especially the expectations that are put upon us. As Alan Watts expresses eloquently, “Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” I believe this opens us up to even more than what we have dreamed up for ourselves.

Add courage to your everyday

I have mentioned already that one of my favorite things about even just the word, courage is that the root of the word is the Latin word for heart. Courage is my favorite virtue, and I thank Maya Angelou for addressing why. She stated, “One isn’t born with courage. One develops it. And you develop it by doing small, courageous things, in the same way that one wouldn’t set out to pick up 100 pound bag of rice. If that was one’s aim, the person would be advised to pick up a five pound bag, and then a ten pound, and then a 20 pound and so forth, until one builds up enough muscle to actually pick up 100 pounds. And that’s the same way with courage. You develop courage by doing courageous things, small things, but things that cost you some exertion- mental and I suppose spiritual exertion.”

I agree with Dr. Angelou in terms of working on the muscle of courage. I also like her, believe that courage is the primal virtue because it needs to take place so the other virtues can become alive. Kindness takes courage, faith takes courage, hope takes courage, justice takes courage and love takes courage, do they not? Courage offers so much to all of us. My first step in flexing the courage muscle has been to utter the vulnerability prayer by Brene Brown, “Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” Other affirmations and positive statements work just the same!

Here are some other ways to add courage to your everyday:
• Courage to listen to your intuition
Everyday make an effort to go with good feelings that come up for you. Feelings of confidence and safety allow us to make good decisions and give us the courage to make decisions that sometimes may go against the status quo.
• Courage to be kind to yourself
Saying no to others and yes to yourself, takes tremendous courage. Learning to say no is a process. Setting boundaries is also a process. Remember to be the center of your own life.
• Courage to dream
The highest level of courage is to be yourself. Courage gives you the freedom to be yourself. In order to do this, we must connect with our purpose and passion. Actively look for things/people/places that inspire you and keep you connected to your dreams.

Every time we step outside our doors we embrace courage whether we are aware of it or not. In this world of uncertainty, nothing is guaranteed. Courage is about mustering up the feeling of intention, purpose and determination. It is about going full force, fully forward even when you may feel afraid. Like Nelson Mandela describes it, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Moment of silence in the movement

Actions like from the photo below where a Howard University staged the photo to show their support for the Ferguson community opens me up to hopeful thoughts. Although this generation is more distant from the civil rights movement than older generations, history seems to repeat itself. Sadly, we come together after tragic circumstances and have to implode for justice and attention particularly to the issue of racism in this country.

The movement of taking a moment of silence that occurred recently across the country in the name of Michael Brown and naturally for so many other brother and sisters who have tragically lost their lives under unthinkable circumstances was touching, inspiring and uplifting to know that so many people are taking action to make black lives count. I came up with so many men of color who never thought they would live past 21 and now they have fear and fear for their sons who are carrying the same burden. The tolerance for ignorance and racism has reached a breaking point, again. And again, our justice system and government continue to fail us.

Unfortunately, the frequencies of these tragedies are rising. Why are situations like what is going on in the Ferguson, MO community becoming so familiar? If you have never experienced racism, this situation clearly illustrates how much racism is alive and well today. It is not only about holding bias views of people based on skin color, it is also about how institutions like the justice system and state government hold up and act in accordance with these bias views. The fear and criminalization of black men and boys has been going on since the beginning of America as a country, when will it end?

I salute all of the people who are speaking out against the militarization of the American police department, the reversal of protection (protecting police as opposed to police protecting its citizens), and the pattern of police action and police murder that has been bestowed on black men. The voices are all inclusive and that is what we need to make lasting change. We need to continue to have these hard conversations about the realities of racism. We need all hands on deck just like during the civil rights movement. We also need to look at what structural changes can happen to bring police officers back to the community as peace officers as opposed to near terrorists.

As Martin Luther King Jr. stated, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Like Fannie Lou Hamer shared, “Nobody’s free until everyone is free.” My hope is that these moments of silence remind you as it did for me that we need to contribute to the struggle. It inspires me to continue to partake in the “hard” conversations to begin to dismantle racism. Take a moment of silence with your community and honor those like Michael Brown with intentional and purposeful actions.

I like a photo

It has been a long time since I liked a photo. I don’t usually like to be photographed either. As a former professional ballerina, I now have grown attached to the art of writing but why should we indulge in just one art form at a time? After exploring photography with a photojournalist during the August Academy at the CUNY School of Journalism, I liked a couple of photos! The photo below was my favorite from the experience.

The photography assignment we received during class was to go out and capture a portrait, light and/or shadow and/or an emotion. I am grateful that the class renewed my attraction to photography. I have more confidence in my photo taking and also am taking more photos than ever before. I have always thought of photography as an innate art form. I notice those around me who have an eye for it and never thought of myself in this way. I still don’t think I have a natural eye for it and I will continue to enjoy the better photos that I take.

We all have the capacity to be creative and we use our creativity in many ways. Some start with just ideas and others nurture particular art forms. I believe all problem solving activities engage creativity. Just because I have always sensed that photography does not come to me as natural as I would like, does not mean I should not nurture the skill. Are you holding yourself back from creative outlets because you do not fit into the beliefs you have about them?

Nowadays, it is so easy to google what you don’t know and try something new. You can YouTube instructional videos anytime you want. You would think that coming out of our comfort zones would be so much easier. A great way to start is to know how you get inspired. I am inspired by reading, researching and testing, like taking hands on classes like the one I have described above. This helps with the confidence to branch out. We need to press the refresh button in our lives every once in awhile. How do you take time away from entrenched routines? How do you get away when you can’t really take a getaway?

Finding inspiration keeps me motivated, interested and empowers me to explore new things. I continue to be committed to the parts of myself that are student and teacher. I am grateful and feel fortunate that I breathe in inspiration from the simplest things, places, persons and stories. Creativity is a way of being. I hope that my picture can inspire you to explore creative outlets that you have always wanted to try. As the great quote goes, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”- Jack Canfield.

Who's your coach?

“Understanding is like water flowing in a stream.. In Buddhism, knowledge is regarded as an obstacle for understanding, if we take something to be the truth, we may cling to it so much that even if the truth comes and knocks at our door, we won’t want to let it in… We must learn to transcend our own views.”- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of Understanding.

This is why coaching is such an effective tool. We need it! There is always room for growth. We need to be constantly updating our beliefs and values. I believe there are always opportunities to introduce new habits and ways of being into our lives. Coaching is about exploring our fullest potential and making long lasting changes. It is also about opening ourselves up to all possibilities. In this knowledge based economy that we live in, our best assets are ourselves. This means learning is a non stop process and one that we can always partake in.

Coaching is a way to engage another active team member on your team that is helping you reach your goals. It has become an effective and popular professional development strategy for individuals and larger organizations. It has emerged as one of the most promising practices to eliminate self defeating attitudes and limiting behaviors. Have you considered coaching? Has your company offered the service to you?

My approach
I am deeply embedded in the principals of the book, the Four Agreements; keep your word, don’t make assumptions, don’t take things personally and do your best. Simply living is my standard practice. I also explore the four pillars of what I talk about to be holistic leadership; mind, body, heart and roots. Our work will include developing the mind, body, emotional and cultural realms of our lives though merging of emotional intelligence, spiritual practice, being mindful of language and engaging the physical body. I write specifically about holistic leadership in the book, The Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities.

How coaching works?
The coach and coachee will create a path for moving forward in redesigning your personal and professional life by clarifying your vision and putting in place the desired actions to fulfill it though regularly scheduled meetings usually entirely by phone.

To get the most out of coaching, ask yourself if you are ready?, willing? And open?

So to answer the title of this blog, I am. For more information on making an appointment, DM me on twitter @coachclari or fb coachclarissa.

Thank you for spreading the word!
Coachclari.blogspot.com
@coachclari

Top 5 Reasons to pick up The Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities

What does it mean to be empowered? What does it mean to be connected to purpose, passion and possibilities? In the book, I explore these questions from a holistic leadership point of view.

What is holistic leadership?

For me, holistic leadership is not only about bringing as many parts of yourself to everything you do, it is also about allowing these different parts of yourself to align and take you where you need to go. Allow this book to:

1) Be inspiring- This may inspire you to share your lessons in your own way, whether you seek to publish, are a teacher, or you teach through your leadership… You just never know how your life can be an example to others. I talk a little about my leadership journey and how a holistic approach to leadership helped me excel.

2) Reconnect you with the 3P’s (Purpose, Passion & Possibilities): Our journeys are ongoing and there is not one answer that is one fit all. Have you taken a moment to look at your goals and vision for your life in its current state? Have you examined and/or reexamined your purpose, passion and possibilities? Let us guide you with taking another look. Reconnect with one, two and/or three of these Ps and let your life continue to unfold.

3) Expand your experience: I am sure that there are sections of the book you can relate to more than others. Be open to all of the different experiences and viewpoints. I dare you to make a commitment to try something new. Take on a different approach, engage others in a new way and/or choose to carry out a suggestion/scenario you learned from the book. I write about challenging yourself. Go beyond what you have perceived to know.

4) Support women authors: We need to continue to send the message that all voices need to be heard in all forums and across industries. I encourage you to write your story, to blog and/or take on an expressive art form. The benefits of diversity and inclusion are limitless including economic gains and an innovative, creative workforce. Do your part to empower others as we hope to empower you with this book.

5) Give yourself permission to dream: The stories and examples you read will not only inspire you, they will allow you to dream. I am not talking about daydreaming and fantasizing about things that you can not have. I am talking about letting stillness guide you to go beyond your dreams. I am referring to visions you have for yourself and how you would like to impact those around you. As you continue to dream and the dreams get bigger, you will move further into your purpose, passion & possibilities.

Continue the conversation and pick up the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities out August 1, 2014.

Possibilities in passion and purpose

Community helps to breed your passion into possibilities. The more you focus on your passions, the more your dreams and desires will come into your life. Speaking your passions helps them to come to you even when you least expect it. Words are so powerful. We speak things into existence through our words all the time. Who is your community? Your community of friends and family are a reflection of who you are. Find a mentor; find individuals you admire that you can talk to that share your passions.

Feedback from community can help guide you to your purpose and passion. What are the things people have always said you were good at? What feedback do you hear, consistently from different voices? Using your passions and strengths can only lead to purpose and possibilities. How do you share your joys with your community? With the world? We are all born with gifts and our gifts are meant to be shared.

The best ways I have lived my passions which has opened up possibilities is to speak of them. Join a group that focuses on your passion and/or start one. I committed to a weekly conservation with two women I admired that shared the same passion and the next thing I knew we created an initiative that had a larger impact. I have attracted how to transform my passion into community action. It is amazing how speaking into existence your passions can open up possibilities.

Surrender to purpose and passion; and possibilities will open up to you. All roads of purpose, passion and exposing as many parts of yourself, leads to possibilities. Raising our awareness to synchronicities, staying focused on our passions, being encouraged to dream, reviewing your beliefs and values are all ways to open up ourselves to possibilities. I am grateful for all the opportunities that continue to arrive in this life. I stick to my vision and meet new goals I set for myself, regularly.

Continue the conversation and pick up the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities out August 1, 2014.

Passion: Pick up The Empowered Woman August 1

In celebration of the upcoming book release of the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities, I am writing about purpose, passion & possibilities all month long. So today passion...

“Great leaders are awake, aware and attuned to themselves, to others and the world around them. They commit to their beliefs, stand strong in their values, and live true passionate live,” (Annie McKee & Richard E. Boyatzis, Resonant Leadership: Renewing Yourself and Connecting with others through mindfulness, hope and compassion). What do you love to do? How do you enjoy serving others? When do you feel most connected to yourself? The answers to these questions are most likely to be your passions. What brings meaning to your life?

Passion(s) declare who you are in terms of what you stand for and believe in. What would you die for? What ideas if put out of your mind would leave you so unhappy? What are your natural inclinations? What messages keep coming up in your life?

Tell your personal truth by what you are passionate about. Passion is a great motivator for acquiring and achieving purpose. Passion is about letting your gifts shine. A holistic approach to leadership sets up avenues to your true self. Your passion is reflected in your authenticity. Passion is about following your intuition and what feels right to you. Passion in many ways is the feeling that connects us to purpose.

A strong way to establish your passion(s) is to list what you believe in and what you stand for. What are your values? Beliefs? What are your top priorities? What would you like to explore more of? What are you curious about? Perform a values and beliefs review at least every three months. If there are messages that persist and continue to serve you and others in a positive way, you have gotten closer to identifying reoccurring themes that are meant for your life.

Continue the conversation and pick up the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities out August 1, 2014

Purpose; Preview the conversation in upcoming book

Purpose is about how you give meaning to your life. The following four action steps can help you deepen your connection to purpose. For every step there are many questions that can assist in exploring meaning and purpose in your life.

1. Define what meaning is to you.
The text definition of meaning in this context is implied or explicit significance, important or worthwhile quality; purpose. Everyone has different priorities, values and life principals. The American dream that some have consumed may not be what everyone is striving for. Does it give meaning to our lives, anyway? What is most important to you? What is your lifestyle? What is your way of being?

2. Get to know yourself enough to be honest with yourself
Only you know what your passions are. Get in touch with what makes you feel good about yourself. What do you love to do? What are your hobbies? What are you really good at? What do you enjoy engaging in? What fills your heart with joy?
What are the skills that you use often and happily? What skills and qualities about yourself do others consistently encourage?

3. Be of service
In service to ourselves and others, I believe much meaning is discovered. How are you of service to others? Do you feel good about what you do no matter the size of the impact? Do you take time to notice the impact you are having around you? Have your skills revealed themselves? What skills are you consistently applying in and to your life? What are real patterns in your life? Where are your strengths in these patterns?

4. Have faith in what is being revealed to you.
Uncertainty is one thing to be certain of. Do you seize opportunities that present themselves? Do you believe in uncertainty? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe in what you do? Do you go with the flow? Are you able to move forward while having no expectations?

Continue the conversation and pick up the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities out August 1, 2014.

Purpose; Preview of Book The Empowered Woman

Many thought leaders have different definitions of purpose and particularly thoughts on what the purpose of life is. The Dalaai Lama shared, “An innate quality among sentient beings, particularly among human beings, is the urge or strong feelings to encounter or experience happiness and discard suffering or pain.  Therefore, the whole basis of human life is the experience of different levels of happiness.  Achieving or experiencing happiness is the purpose of life.”  Caroline Myss shared in her book Anatomy of the Spirit, “Again and again the sacred texts tell us that our life’s purpose is to understand and develop the power of our spirit, power that is vital to our mental and physical well-being.”

Are you living the life of who you truly are?  Purpose is probably one of the biggest questions people ask of life in order to feel like a meaningful contributor to the world.  We strive to live on purpose.  The great thing about purpose is each one of us has a unique calling for why we have been placed on this earth.  This calling shapes us, motivates us and challenges us.  The smallest contributions can make the biggest impact without our knowing in the moment.

Purpose is what drives us.  Everyone’s purpose is discovered in its own time and everyone moves at their own pace through the self discovery process and/or what many call this life journey.  Listening to your own inner voice will help expose purpose.  Our first assignment in purpose is to let it be unveiled to us.  What is our life purpose?  What are reoccurring patterns in our lives? What gifts and talents do we have?  Are we sharing them with the world?  What service do you provide to others that brings joy? Ask with your heart and be still enough to listen.  

What we have attached to the meaning of purpose has caused obstacles.  Purpose must be grandiose.  Purpose must make me rich and famous.  These thoughts and beliefs may stop us from living out our true being and purpose.  We need to be reminded what is most valuable in our lives.  It is what makes us feel and do good.  You are worthy of sharing your gifts and talents with the world, this is why you are here. 

Continue the conversation and pick up the Empowered Woman: Purpose, Passion & Possibilities out August 1, 2014.