Self-care

 

One of the best lessons I hope that everyone has learned over this pandemic experience is one of self-care.  I never thought I would miss hearing a stewardess say, “make sure you put your mask on first before you help others.”  It is about refilling your own cup before you can share the drink with others. 

The biggest misconception about self-care is that it is selfish and only about me time.  Self-care began as a medical concept and naturally has evolved.  Audre Lorde has linked it to a way to live though all the different oppression she experienced as a Black lesbian women.  Often her publishers would ask her to remove any writings that reflected love between two women.  In order to get published she did remove particular pieces until she found a publisher that printed her complete work. 

I am grateful that the services field began to embrace self-care some time ago.  Although the self-help push is intended for self-improvement it has rarely been linked to self-care.  The strong connection to self-care is wellness.  The idea is how can you give to others when your cup is empty. 

For me self-care means approaching myself as a whole individual.  My mental health, physical needs, social and emotional needs need to be met for me to prevent illness, and to maintain my health.  If I am not doing well in any of these areas, I know it will be difficult to show up and do my best work.  I also know that it will be difficult to be there  for anyone in general. 

We hear terms like work/life balance, personal care, pampering yourself and as Audre Lorde reminds us, self-preservation.  Again these concepts are not selfish it’s self-care, it’s all about taking care of yourself and adapting regular routines that maintain all aspects of our health so that we can operate at our best selves.    What are some practices you engage in regularly to maintain your self-care?

Lessons from Failure

 

I wrote a piece on f-bombs which included all things except for failure.  Among the f-bombs were forgiveness, faith, fear, feelings and forward.  Failure can be part of our fear and once its happenings it best we practice forgiving ourselves.  It is hard to see the positive side to failure.  It might be a learning that is best for us in the moment.  What might feel like a missed opportunity might turn out to be a blessing- it’s just doesn’t feel that way, right?  That is what makes failure so hard to accept.    

The lesson about failure is difficult to learn because we focus on our hurt feelings instead of leveraging the learning opportunity.  We focus on what we are losing instead of what we are gaining.  The truth is it’s hard to experience failure, it’s experiencing loss.  Our minds go to what could have been.  I have learned to appreciate my failures and treasure the courage to take a risk. 

I have added calculated risks into my regular growth rotation.  Take a chance on yourself and the skills you have.  It also helps to challenge and work through imposter syndrome.  It is more important to think about how you get up after you fall.  Failure certainly allows for this practice. 

Although it is a process and challenging the best thing to focus on is that you are not your mistake (failure). Believing in yourself will move you beyond the fall.  Also remember, It does feel good to say you tried.   Use your power to pick yourself up.  Give yourself room to fall on your face.  You don’t have to get up from your fall on your own.  

Let's be whole

 

 

I wonder how much attention is being put on our emotional experiences right now.  When the world is ending, how can people be thinking about what is happening inside of themselves.  Like we learn from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Our basic needs of food, water, shelter, air, sleep and sex need to be satisfied before thinking about personal security, friendships, respect, strength and being the most that one can be. 

The structures of inequities have trained our brains into thinking that we have to compete against each other and claw though the many people just to win a tiny, tiny piece of a piece of pie.  The worst part is this was happening while everyone needed to isolate.  Now we should look to positive psychology as we start to transition out of our isolation comas. 

Managing our emotions, practicing self-care and being healthy are among the many positive practices everyone has had to take a closer look at over this year and moving forward.  Positive psychology plays a role in my everyday and it became clear during these challenging times.

“Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living” (Peterson, 2008).

Positive psychology is simply assisting us with focusing on our strengths.  Let’s build on the good in life instead of reacting to only the bad parts.  We do that naturally most of the time anyway.  Work on all the parts of the self-care wheel to get closer to being whole.  The better we are the easier it is to welcome and be prepared for more good things.