Save Yourself

It is good that we are always hearing the message we are the leaders we have been waiting for. Although it has to combat the constant opposite message that younger generations are taught of being rescued. This fantasy still exists in the fairy tales and movies that circulate our libraries and theaters. We all have something unique to contribute to the world.

In Amy Cuddy's book, Presence (Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges), she describes the way power can help us be present. If you feel powerless, you are not as present as if you felt powerful. She describes how the many who feel powerlessness look for external validation and tend to get self-absorbed. The elements of presence include confidence, comfort level and passionate enthusiasm.

Like me, you may have been introduced to Amy Cuddy from her TED talk. She highlighted the wonder women pose and explained how the body can influence the mind. She simply explained how getting into a power position (like the wonder women pose where you put you hands on your hips) before you go into a situation where you may feel uncertain or exposed, can help build confidence yielding the better outcome.

Save yourself by building your internal power. Know who you are. Make decisions with confidence and peace. This is being comfortable in your own skin and in your power. This will allow you to be more present and more of not only who you are but also who you hope to be.

What rules your world?

Our worlds are dominated by thoughts, messages and how we decide to move from moment to moment. Whatever thoughts you give power to, show up in your life and being. In the second Sex and the City film, the main character Carrie explores what it is to make your own rules in a relationship. I would like to take this one step further and explore how rules operate in our lives. What rules do you put on your life? I use ground rules with groups I work with. Other than that instead of rules, I ground myself in key values that I live by.

Being dominated by rules and to do lists can be limiting if you think about it. If you transform these rules into healthy, regular habits you won't always have to list out what you know to be true. In my last women's circle meeting, we talked about BIG feelings like JOY, PEACE and FREEDOM. These feelings can not be achieved with restriction and over planning. That is why we say we have to bend the rules sometimes. Make space for allowing to happen.

What do you often think about? What thoughts dominate your world? What are the rules you struggle with? What are rules you feel the need to set often? Show yourself some compassion by letting go of the rules that are not helpful in a given situation. We are hardest on ourselves so practicing self compassion is necessary. You are after all the only ruler of your inner world.

The main ingredient

Love, love, love

Putting love in what you do is what leading with heart is all about. Love spreads, the energy moves people. Love is a choice and without action, it can be just a word. Love is the main ingredient that makes a world of a difference. We are fortunate to have great leaders and role models that have put love in the forefront of their work like President Barack Obama, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Maya Angelou and countless courageous and selfless leaders.

My nickname Clari was given to me in love and received with love. It seemed to be the only nickname that stuck. Now that it has been slightly altered, I am okay with it because once again it was done with love and so naturally. It is also hard to resist the purity of children. The love influence is undeniable and spreads like wildflower. Love reveals our authenticity and allows for genuine connection.

If you are having a hard time bringing love to what you are doing, you may want to evaluate your intentions. Are your actions a stepping stone to what you really hope for? Are you just involved in actions that are expected of you? Re-route until you get to add some love.

Love is why everyone enjoys that meal that is your favorite recipe. It shows. It's probably why your presentation went so well, you put love in the preparation and in your outfit. So put some love in it. Make it your main ingredient and reap the benefits.

Fire Crisis

In a session for SuperSoul TV, Caroline Myss (author of the Anatomy of the Spirit) beautifully describes the human fire crisis and the soul. She explains that we live in the time of Fire. Perhaps we are all seekers looking for more meaning and purpose. It reminds me of Wayne Dyer's quote above, "Don't die with your music still inside you." Your fire is your creativity, your passion.

You can feel collectively that we all want more purpose and meaning in our lives. I am grateful that in this fire age, it is common to celebrate the new moon. It is known to be cautious during a planet's retrograde and the full moon. We can talk about the possibility that a deja vu is connected to a past life. Being in harmony with others and the universe enhances my life journey.

Blogging, journaling, writing poetry and just writing is one way I stand in my fire. It allows me to create, be creative, express myself and commune with others. Find your spark and let it grow. What needs to come from you?

We have our theme song already. Jimi Hendrix asked us to, "Let me stand next to your fire." It's the fire namaste, let the spark in you ignite the spark in me. I know fire can be explosive and rage strongly until everything comes down. Like anger we can use this force for good. Let the fire warm your heart and guide your spark.

Language of Intuition

"Like an ability or muscle, learning your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it."- Robbie Gass

I am always exploring how to articulate what is most hardest to. Feelings, emotions, inner transitions, struggles, and breakthroughs. With leaders, researchers and writers like Brene Brown, Judith Orloff, Deepak Chopra and many others I have been able to collect knowledge, words and build a stronger foundation for my journey and how to share it.

In additionally, now I can thank my monthly women's group for exploring language that helps express intuitive clues. I have always known that my mind is like working any muscle. This is why I mediate, it is like training for a mental marathon. What I learned was about the enteric nervous system. Some refer to it as the brain of "the gut." Sometimes we just know things and a lot of people attribute this to their gut. We hear things like, "I got this feeling." "This does not feel right to me." "When you know, you know."

Science backs up claims that we operate under two systems. On controlled by the left side of the brain is slow, analytical and a conscious way of operating. The other controlled by the right side of our brain is quick, instinctual and often a subconscious way of operating. You hear people say, "You are all left brain." Do you know when you need to pull from the other side?

I think we are just scratching the surface on intuition. I do try my best to go with that good feeling. What does a good feeling, look and feel like to you? I work at listening to my truest and genuine feelings. Make no mistake, it is work. Work to get to the core and underneath it all to that true feeling.

Emotional Freedom

In the book, Emotional Freedom, Judith Orloff beautifully details how to triumph over negative feelings by replacing them with positive ones. She encourages readers to call upon their dreams for help and share strategies to do so. She begins the journey of emotional freedom with defining different emotional types (gusher, empath, rock and intellectual). As an empath, I am grateful that Judith goes deeply into this type because she is of this type too.

For every emotion that she discusses she takes a four prong approach of the biology, energetic power, spirituality and psychology aspects. Among the positive emotions that she highlights are courage, patience, connection, inner calm, hope, self-esteem and compassion. As a medical intuitive, Judith is able to reflect on the world of medicine and spirituality. She combines these different views easily and makes this guide accessible and practical.

Stress is usually portrayed as the ultimate culprit of physical and emotional health challenges. To go deeper we need to recognize and understand the emotions that feed into stress and stressful situations. If stress is not addressed, these negative emotions are usually carried out. Either way they work hand in hand.

How do you combat stress and negative emotions? What emotional weaknesses are you working on? Do you feel healthy, physically, emotionally and spiritually? If you haven't a clue, you may want to pick up the book, Emotional Freedom by Judith Orloff.

The busy addiction

Do you know your warning signs of nearing burn out? In today's age, society is losing patience. With the immediacy of modern technology, no one wants to wait. There feels to be a demand to reply right away to a post, text and email. I have had people send me numerous messages when I did not reply as quickly as a sender would have liked. Nervously unawaiting a response.

The addiction to busyness continues to haunt our world. As workers, the struggle of knowing the difference between happiness and success has always existed. Individual identities are still wrapped up in achievement and what we do for a living as opposed to who we are as a person. Financial and work success does not necessarily equal true happiness.

If you are doing so much, and you feel suffocated, you may be on the verge of burn out. If you are unable to pause and review or plan, you may be on the verge of burn out. If you are getting sick regularly and haven't let your body slow down a bit, you may be on the verge of burn out. The significant question: When and do you find time to slow it down? Have you taken a day off, used your vacation time? Do you allow yourself down time?

Down time, extracurricular activities and rest can make us better workers. Ready, focused and alert to bring the best to what we do. Here are some easy ways to avoid the busyness rabbit hole:

Prepare: make time to plan, this allows you to know the direction you need to move toward and gives you enough flexiblity when the unexpected happens

Prioritize: you can't do everything at once, set your plan for the day and manage your time accordingly

Take breaks: Meal times are great reminders for breaks, enabling you to refresh and reboot.

Collaborate: Being a good team member means you can engage others and work together toward goals.

Sacred Spaces

In honor of Earth Day, I would like to celebrate and add to the spiritual spaces in my life. Spiritual spaces are sacred areas where I feel I can connect with my true self easily. It is also where I can delight in oneness with my surroundings. Growing up in New York City, I felt like Central Park was my backyard. In the middle of my people watching, I would read a bit or write in my journal. I enjoy my connection with nature and my connection with myself.

I feel blessed to have the opportunity to add more sacred spaces to my list. I hiked the Bell Rock vortex in my most recent visit to Sedona, Arizona. I admired the view and shade from Chapel Rock along the same road. There was a camaradie on the trail. We engaged with other hikers and found relief in different bushes to break from the crisp Sun.

I also felt the wonders of the Antelope Canyon by Page, Arizona. On Navajo land, the slot canyon is "the place where water runs through rocks." The care and honor of the canyon was evident in the small group tours and clear instructions. The stunning perspectives the tour guide directed us to were amazing. All the photos above were taken there. This canyon is a photographer's dream and in fact there are photography tour options.

These spaces not only allow me to spoil in wonders and oneness; they refresh and renew my body, mind, and spirit. Are there any places you are moved to see and visit? Are there spaces that you visit frequently that bring you piece of mind? Treasure your sacred spaces, there are certainly some that are closer than you think.

Compassion in action

The latest book I am reading, A Force for Good: The Dalai Lama's Vision for Our World by Daniel Goleman, invites us to look at compassion in a new way. Muscular compassion is what the Dalai Lama calls compassion in action. What a great title?! He goes on to talk about the 3 main ingredients of compassion in action; transparency, fairness and accountability. Also not three words that I naturally connect with compassion. He moves beyond just kindness and gives us a grander picture.

The Dalai Lama explains the 3 principles that exude muscular compassion. With fairness, he asks that everyone be treated the same. With transparency, he asks for honesty and openness and with accountability he asks that everyone is answerable for misdeeds. This gives us the next step after inviting small acts of kindness into our daily lives.

Our society is so out of practice, I am always encouraging others to demonstrate compassion through small acts of kindness. Now I can take it further with openness, fairness and finding different ways to hold myself and others accountable. I have enlisted an accountability buddy when making big decisions and also when resetting goals. Perhaps now I can enlist one to also help me stay fair and honest.

He encourages us to use our emotions in the best way possible. Use anger in constructive ways to respond to injustice effectively. His description of compassion is about opposing the act, but loving the person. As he says, "Even if a person's actions are destructive, maintain a sense of concern for their well-being; if you have the ability, you must stop wrongdoing." For me, this certainly works hand in hand with forgiveness. I can forgive and do not forget.

Speaking into our lives

Do you speak of what you desire in your life? Move from what you want to avoid to what you want. How do you use the power of your tongue, everyday? Speak these words to loving members of your community who unconditionally support you. Use affirmations, mantras, journal, whatever methods speak into your life.

Improving your outlook on life can start with the words you use, everyday. What do you say to yourself when you wake up in the morning? Do you have any rituals for brightening up your day? Is your attitude usually positive?

Your attitude matters and so do your words. The power of the words, I am is a great place to start. I often start my day with the I am ______ mantra. I fill in the blank with what feeling I desire for the day. You can fake it until you make it. Try it out! Speak into your existence. Speak of what you hope for and focus on it. Speak it in your mind, body, spirit and soul.

Spring Forward

Spring is an exciting time to spring forward. What it is about seeing more of the sun and warmer temperatures that put everyone in a better, motivated mood? There is a relief about not having to protect ourselves from the brutal winter weather by being cooped up in warm indoor places. Although it is a fact in the northeast, that there are four seasons, I am not sure whether the transitions are any easier. I am thankful that winter is for reflection and that spring is about the growth of light. We spring forward our clocks and let the light be with us longer.

Easter is a celebration connected with springtime. What stands out about Easter is all the bright colors that come with the celebration. Spring is such a vibrant season. Flowers appear of all shapes, shades and sizes. More outdoor activities get on the calendar. It is easier to enjoy the outdoors because we are not shielding ourselves from freezing temperatures.

All transitions are opportunities. Spring is a time to start fresh and write new goals. It is an opportune time to revamp any experienced delays. A lot of us look forward to spring. More light means we have a better attitude and feel better about ourselves. Phrases like, “spring cleaning” and spring cleansings spring up. The motivation we wish we had during the winter seems to appear, probably because we are more willing to be out and about.

As the old saying goes out with the old and in with the new. With that, I am grateful for winter and certainly have been making room for spring and to spring forward. Some transitions are universal.

Let’s be reminded that the Goddess Ostara offers, “springtime is any time when the light increases within your mind and entire system.” This is a great time to start new projects and give birth to new conditions. Call upon her when you need more light in your life. We all are stars and should be shining all the time. Happy Spring, everyone! Let’s learn to shine in darkness and in light.

Religion and Spirituality

The cultural influence of avoiding religion as a topic of causal conversation is driven by fear and knowing the power religion has not only on individuals but countries. Religion is such a huge influence in everyday life. It has been nice to see the transition of how there are increasingly conversations about the commonalities and differences between being religious and being spiritual You can be spiritual and religious. You can be spiritual despite religion and you can be religious regardless of spirituality. It sounds confusing.

It's an individual choice. Although I grew up in religion mainly due to my Latinidad, I identify as simply spiritual. I have come to realize that my religion is kindness. I would go further to say that my spirituality is deeply influenced by all the religions including Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Confucianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism and Buddhism. The list can go on and on as there are countless religions. I have taken on a lot of the fundamental beliefs, not the practices. Beliefs of compassion like the golden rule, which asks you to treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. Beliefs like being present, oneness and taking responsibility for actions.

Some would agree that spirituality is born in a person and develops in the person. It may be initiated by religion like it was for me or you may seek out religion because of your spirituality. Others say that true spirituality is something that is found deep within oneself. It is a way of loving, accepting and relating to others and the world. Religion is about a specific system of beliefs and rituals that assist with a person's relationship with God. Spirituality is about beliefs and practices that speak to your spirit.

I believe in exploring my inner knowings. In a TIME article by Rabbi David Wolpe, he describes spirituality as, "having feeling, some intuition of something greater, but feel allergic to institutions." Whether you're religious, spiritual and/or both, the important element is choosing to be grounded in beliefs and practices that motivate and inspire you to live the life you want. Life can be unexpected, unruly and overwhelming so choose beliefs that can help you move through the tough and the good times. Beliefs, values and principals that allow you to reflect, grow and comfort you.

Sit with it

I often get asked about sitting through hard emotions. What do you do when sadness hits you hard or when even anger feels overwhelming? Because as a society we are taught to bury emotions/feelings, we do not know how to embrace negative and/or positive feelings. We must learn to listen to our bodies and what these feelings are trying to tell us.

The first step is to let yourself feel. Again, because we are taught to overlook our feelings, we don't even let ourselves feel. Numbness becomes a regular body state because our priorities are on outward outcomes. Perhaps it is time to start working from the inside out as opposed to the outside in. I say, get to know your feelings, what do you feel when happy, sad, or mad?

What feelings do you want to feel? Last year I meditated on love for a month and felt like I was more welcoming, more kind and more open. Once you get in the habit of feeling particularly good feelings you embrace them easily. Now when your feelings and emotions come over you, you can recognize it and make room to feel them. When they are not the best emotions and feelings you want to feel, sitting with them means you are releasing these emotions in the best way you can. This could mean you need to silently scream in a bathroom stall until you get home from work or it may mean that you need to take a long lunch break and cry.

Physically, it is about letting these emotions bubble up and over. It is also about finding healthy ways to let them leave your body. Going for a run might help, or getting to that zumba class. Emotionally, exploring why this is happening now and what may have initiated such strong feelings may help you the next time strong feelings come on.

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte offers a way to transform emotions. She goes on to say, "Feelings are how you perceive life. Perception informs how you live." Her strategy is to set intentions according to what you desire to feel. For me, when you focus on good feelings you can't go wrong.

Favorite lessons from the Four Agreements

"Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future."-Deepak Chopra

The Four Agreements has been a sanity touchstone for me. The book and principals of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz model simple living. The Four Agreements has guided me in my growth and has been the seed to most of my blossoming beliefs. I use the four agreements as ground rules for different groups I work with. I also reflect on them from time to time and still learn so much from these ideas.

In keeping my word, I have become more confident in my yes's and no's.. With that I set more realistic goals for myself. I also have become increasingly reliable being that if I make a commitment, it is with 100% effort. As a writer, I continue to play with words and always ask what is my intention behind them. Words have energy and I do my best to "do unto others, as you would like done unto you."

In avoiding assumptions, I like to ask clarifying questions to be thorough and to avoid any misunderstandings. It is important to learn and know what you need and want. Others can not read your mind nor do they want to. Everyone understands situations and conversations differently as we are all unique individuals. The more questions you ask, the more likely some common understanding will be established. Why guess what people are thinking, when we can simply ask. On the other side, I have also learned to make requests for what I need.

When I don't take things personally, I focus on the bigger picture and know that life goes beyond just me. I have avoided so much pain and suffering from living this principal day to day. I have come to understand when others criticize me and try to put their actions on me, that in fact it is about their experience and how they see themselves in the world. We are responsible for ourselves, not anyone else. I am the only person responsible for my feelings and the only person responsible for the decisions I make just like no is a complete sentence.

In doing my best, knowing that I tried whether I succeed or fail, makes all the difference. Your best will look different under changing circumstances. You do better when you’re well and emotionally level. If you know who you are, you know when you are doing your best and when you can give more. In living simply, doing your best not only yields better results, it makes you feel good. I sleep well at night knowing that I give 100% and also knowing that my 100% will look different tomorrow.

Identify yourself

"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value."- Albert Einstein

When it comes to the question of what I do and who I am?, I prefer to always ask myself who am I? I know it is common for what we do to take up so much of our identity. How do you identify yourself? I have made a transition from defining myself by what I do to who I am as a person. I believe the above quote describes this well. Raising your value and investing in yourself can only lead you to success.

I am grateful that who I am matters in my inner circles. Who I am takes note of the smallest things that ignite happiness; collecting smiles from strangers, the joy in the colors of the sunset... Who I am is interested in growing and learning new things about myself and the world around me. I appreciate my power circles for exploring how we can live our best lives.

There are so much more ways to identify yourself. The layers among us all are endless. We are mothers, daughters, sisters among other things. We take on many identities at one time. I think it is important to let yourself choose as opposed to be assigned identities. From the moment to the next we may make a choice to take on an appropriate identity for a given situation. We pull from these lenses to make the most out of any situation.

3 choices that can change your life

Choices are key to all of our lives. We make more choices than we realize. Everyday, moment to moment. For the best outcomes, I rely on 3 activities that I continue to engage in regularly:

Being open: Choosing to be open is about learning how to be secure enough in yourself to go with the flow. Learning is a life long duty. Being open allows for learning to take place. It is a learning choice. For openness to work for you, you must know when you are getting tense and starting to close yourself off. You must raise your awareness of how you are present.

Taking quiet time: the most popular way to carve out quiet time is probably meditation. I do prefer this method and I also literally can use a moment without noise. A moment with silence, without movement, without reacting to anything around me. Quiet time is about listening out for any messages that may arrive within you. For me, this is done successfully with training the mind to silence the many other voices and focus on the one I know I need to listen to.

Trusting yourself: Our biggest obstacle can be ourselves. It is up to you whether you choose to drink the water or not. Trusting yourself in how you respond and what choice you make. No one knows yourself like you do. No one else feels what you feel. No one else can make decisions for you. You get to choose and can make a choice in all situations. Going with your instincts and overwhelming feelings usually lead to the best outcome.

Now there is more awareness surrounding your choices, will you drink the water or not? It is always up to you. Gain confidence in your choices and how you arrive at them.

Anniversary

"Do you know what today is?, it's our anniversary."-Anniversary by Tony!Toni!Tone!

I recently completed two years of posts! Thanks everyone! This makes me think about anniversaries and how we celebrate. Celebrating the smaller milestones help us to get to the larger ones. How do you set anniversaries? Are your relationship milestones celebrated at an equal or larger rate than your career milestones? or any other areas of your life for that matter?

We tend to think of couples when we think of anniversaries. Anniversaries are usually associated with relationship celebrations. The couple chooses the date and celebrates around the date as much as they want to or don't want to. The date might be their first meeting, or a day they decided to be partnered up. Much like birthdays, I guess except we did not choose that date. Thanks to social media and sites like linkedin.com, anniversaries don't only have to be about couples. Work anniversaries are recognized. What other anniversaries do you celebrate?

Anniversaries are great to set to celebrate small and large accomplishments. Celebrating the small ones, help work up to keep us motivated for the big ones. A friend of mine just recently purchased her first home. It is great to watch her celebrate by hosting people. I can see that her closing date will be an important anniversary to celebrate. What are other ways in which we can celebrate significant milestones?

Everyone deserves a celebration. Celebrate all that you are. Regardless of setting dates or not, you still can celebrate. Setting dates is a reminder for us to celebrate. What will you choose to set anniversaries dates for? Put your dates on the calendar and dare to make actual plans to celebrate. Don't wait for others to celebrate you, honor who you are and take the initiative.

Are you growing emotionally?

This post in many ways is a tribute to how much I have spoken of emotional intelligence. A large part of this discussion has been due to new language and ways of articulating challenging emotions and emotional states. Once you have integrated emotional intelligence into your lifestyle, the hope is that you will evolve and mature. Here are five signs that you are growing emotionally:

Confidence: If you are more comfortable in your skin and body and know who you are despite what others may think of you. At the same time you have been learning to avoid taking things so personally. When issues come up, it seems easier to identify whether they are your issues or not. This also comes with a high emotional awareness where you know what you think and how you feel.

Being Present: You are present and fully conscious of what is going on inside of you and around you. This is the essence of emotional intelligence, recognizing and getting to know your inner processes while balancing this with what is happening around you. This is probably the most challenging and rewarding state of being you will ever take on and continue to take on day to day.

Look for growth opportunities: You are interested and invest in bettering yourself everyday not being governed by strong habits. You choose to let go of looking good and focus on succeeding instead. You see the opportunities for growth in all situations, requesting feedback and bringing out the positive side of learned mistakes.

Move beyond the comfort zone: You act on your emotions by following your instincts, insights, hunches and any other mental messages you receive. This may mean that you are okay with asking and accepting help from others and/or that you have let go of managing other people's perceptions of you. Others may perceive your actions as risky and you being fully present and confident are more comfortable with doing things differently and/or trying new things.

Response ability: You are aware of your response ability. You make a conscious effort to choose to respond as oppose to react. When you make this choice, you are able to hold yourself accountable for your actions and move on the best way forward. You also can take on more responsibility in being the best leader you can be. You practice forgiveness of others and of yourself.

Bias

I have always thought of bias in the noun definition. It is when an individual prefers something over another. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. We even have language about favoritism when it comes to family, nepotism. Biases can cross a line when making decisions about how you carry your biases in the world. Whether you want to or not you can't put your own preferences on any one else. Not being aware of your biases can be just as dangerous. The unconscious bias is difficult to tend with. There may be feelings and thoughts that are so deeply ingrained in the subconscious that may take a long while to surface.

On top of all these inner workings that go on inside an individual, we contend with large institutions that are rooted in racism. As Beverly Daniel Tatum points out in her book, Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?, there are white students sitting together, though we rarely comment about that. She goes on to explain that racial grouping is a developmental process in response to the environmental stressor of racism. Again sometimes we do not know how unconscious biases will show up in the world.

It is not required for bias to be right or wrong. What you prefer is what you prefer. Deepak Chopra has said that if you do not make the time to meditate at least ask yourself one question, Are you aware? This certainly applies here. Are you aware and raising awareness about your preferences and how you carry them out into the world? If we learned anything from Martin Luther King Jr., it is that we must continue to work toward equality and love. To keep his dream alive, we must explore ideas like these whether it is difficult or not. Having hard conversations may be uncomfortable and it does not mean we should not partake in them.

In Brene Brown's description of the anatomy of trust, she defines integrity as choosing courage over comfort, practicing values and choosing right over what is fun, fast and easy. This is a great definition of integrity that aligns with Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream. I will continue to look to this definition to keep me motivated and courageous enough to live a life with such integrity.

Practicing non attachment

It has taken me some time to figure out how to put into practice this idea of non attachment. The key I have found is to let go of expectations. I practice setting intentions instead. It is the idea of not wanting for anything. This is apart of abundance based thinking as opposed to lack thinking. The choice to be fully present instead of bringing your wishes along and magically trying to get everyone around you and whomever is present to take on these wishes to your satisfaction.

The minute I stopped wanting for other people, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't want for anyone else nor myself. I can't want for anyone else anyway. The person has to want for themselves for anything to come into fruition. I recently read an article that captures the experience of expectations. "When you sit down and listen to someone you love talk to you, your story about who you think they are will color your expectations about what they say, and your story about yourself colors how you expect to respond (JC Peters, Spirituality and Health). JC goes on to say, "If you can release the person you love, from your story about them, you can really, fully listen to them and hear what they have to say." Yes, you may not actually know what someone you know so well will say, do and/or feel.

Another key form of non attachment is being in the present. Releasing old ideas of yourself and others can permit bringing the now in. Being non attached is not about being detached from anything or anyone. It is about putting your values and beliefs into practice in a way that brings empathy, compassion and openness to yourself and those you encounter. Ultimately, we are working to release one of the oldest illusions of mankind that others will save you and give you constant happiness. As I say all the time, you are the only person responsible for your feelings; this includes happiness. Why look outside of yourself?

It's a lovely feeling of freedom when you learn to let go of any expectations you may have of someone, something and/or any events. The start of an ambitious practice is to take one step at a time. Forgive yourself when you are not working at the pace you hoped for. Planning is helpful and useful for me. It allows me to be prepared and flexible enough to shift my needs and wants. This leaves me ready for whatever comes. As I have been known to say, "Preparation allows us to be fully present when that moment arrives and you will know when that movement arrives."

Let's be brave

I must acknowledge Brene Brown for being at the forefront of emotional intelligence.  For me, emotional intelligence is an important element that needs to be embraced.  Brene Brown is making it easier to integrate emotional intelligence into our daily lives by giving us language and research.   With her books like Daring Greatly and Rising Strong, you can explore emotional processes in an articulate way.  Now she has broken down trust in the same way that she has shared about vulnerability and shame.

During the holidays, I enjoyed watching the different sessions from SuperSoul TV.  Brene Brown has introduced what she calls BRAVING as the anatomy of trust.  Trust is huge and so difficult to explain.  I think this helps:
BRAVING
Boundaries: be clear about your boundaries and hold them and respect the boundaries of others
Reliability: being about to keep your word over and over again
Accountability: owning your mistakes and making amends
Vault: What I share with you will be held in confidence and vice versa
Integrity: choosing courage over comfort, practicing values, and choosing right over what is fun, fast                 and easy
Non-judgement: Either of us can fall apart, and ask for help without judgement
Generosity: assume generous thoughts about words, intentions and behaviors, ask about them

BRAVING has allowed me to talk about trust in a way that I have not been able to before.  Although I understand there needs to be self-trust, BRAVING is not intended to be a solo sport.  I do enjoy the idea of BRAVING with someone else.  It is the small things that bring us joy and the small acts that build trust.  Brene, reminds us that asking for help is a courageous act that invites BRAVING.  What are moments of trust for you?  How do you build trust with others?