Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Note to masculine self
However we identify ourselves on the spectrum of gender, we all have a masculine and feminine side. I strive to balance these sides and find that I am strong and caring. As Brene Brown describes in her book, Rising Strong, you can hold boundaries and be compassionate. Let's live in the gray as opposed to the black and white.
Before I was living a more balanced life, I would have to remind my masculine self of some things like you don't have to be right all the time. Be conscious of when you are choosing competition over cooperation. This part of ourselves can be like what Harriet Lerner describes in her book, The Dance of Connection, as over functioning. Over-functioners prefer not to feel and just would like to do. When you move too fast you can miss some things. You also can leave others behind. Remember doing with as opposed to doing for builds community.
There is more power in community than trying to go at it alone. Everyone can use a helping hand. The next time someone offers a true helping hand, take it. The masculine self can isolate us and only give commands. Your ego becomes a great partner, sometimes the only partner that is driving you away from your true self. Don't be scared of those who are in need of help. You actually are one of these people too. The thing is that your masculine self only wants to give so pull in the feminine side and receive as well.
One of the hardest beliefs to let go is seeing everyone as a problem to solve. When folks are sharing about their lives, it is not to seek resolution. Sometimes what is will be. Everyone has their own process, ask if they would like your help. Most people know how they can use your help, just ask how you can help. You may hear that it was helpful just being heard. You may hear a request and have to really listen. The request may not be what you want for the other person. Leading is just as much about following as it is about leading.
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