Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a "F" bomb for some, scary for others and a regular practice for me.  Some do not want to forgive and/or are not ready to forgive.  Forgiveness is definitely for the self as opposed for the other person.  It is about letting go and moving forward from a situation.  Hopefully, you learned from the situation, by no means do you have to forget.  This is all apart of the learning.  Those who have a challenge with self forgiveness, may have a harder time with the forgiveness of others.

I prefer to choose compassion instead of bottling up feelings that would cause me distress.  Whatever feelings we have, we choose to have, no one else is responsible for such feelings.  The thing is when we hold on to resentments and anger, we cause ourselves more pain most times than we need to take on.  The following are some practices that enable me to practice forgiveness:

Visualization- When I need to release old thoughts and feelings about a past situation, I visualize the person I need to forgive and visualize me forgiving them in person.  If this is even hard for you to do, just send that person some love and light until you are ready.

Affirmations- I have realized in this practice, I find it easier to forgive others than myself.  Positive affirmations help me to release some of the pressure I put on myself and the choices I make in life.

I-Messages- This is a known practice in conflict resolution particularly with younger kids.  It is about using I statements when addressing a situation that generated feelings for you.  This is a great exercise to articulate your feelings.  Expressing your feelings are apart of the "I" statement in addition to making a request for how to move on from the situation.

Letters/Journaling- Write a letter to a person/(s) that you felt wronged you.  It helps to find release and burn the letter after you have expressed yourself fully.

Gratitude- As humans we tend to focus on the negative instead of the positive.  Take a moment and be grateful for any good that has come out of hard situations.  As we may have heard before, "If there is no struggle, there is no progress." from Frederick Douglass.

The value of diversity

"Diversity: the art of thinking independently together."- Malcolm Forbes, Publisher Forbes Magazine

Over the weekend, I decided to go see the film, Trainwreck.  I wanted to support a film with a female lead, a female lead that wrote the film.  As a woman, I feel that it is important to do things our way as opposed to imitating the dominant culture.  I admire those who embrace their uniqueness.  If not how do we celebrate diversity if we all operate only as to what is socially acceptable.

Diversity is a strength, celebrating difference as well as common ground helps unite and educate each other.  Take a moment and reflect on the diversity we have all around us.  This is beauty and celebrate it however you are able.

In some ways, everyone celebrates diversity everyday.  We live our individual lives, right?  The thing is the richness of diversity lies in the exchange of ideas and experiences.  You honor your lifestyle and who you are when you share this with others.  Those of us who are already seen as different in society, have to make a choice to stay engaged in diversity.  At times, we get tired of validating our differences.  We have to choose to educate or educate another day.

The value in diversity is learning from differences while forming new modes of commonality.  This is on going as new persons are born into this world with their individual thoughts and beliefs every moment. There is always room to learn something new and learn from someone new. As the global landscape is more connected and smaller in measure, how will you manage difference?  Keep in mind, the way you may categorize someone, may not be the same way they categorize themselves.

Time perception

The whole concept of time is fascinating to me.  How and why time may move slow as opposed to speed by is experienced by everyone.  Some who study the brain would say that time slows down when you are focused on something specific.  Others who study the brain would say that time is related to how we process the information that is coming at us. 

My sense of time has left me and I am okay with that. It feels like time is more of a friend to me, now.  I feel like my sense of time is different now because I am more present in each moment.  The past and future feel very close to the present.  I speak of things that happened years ago and it feels like yesterday. 

I wonder if this is all happening because I have learned how to focus better.  I can be in the now, easily.  I know with time, we don't sense it like our five senses of taste, touch, smell, seeing or hearing.  Time is perceived and I guess my awareness of how I am perceiving it is different, lately.  As years move, I appreciate presence more.  I go with the flow and enjoy the present moment. 

Perhaps this is also a sign of my increased ability to let things go and practice non attachment.  I find that this practice allows me to be more grounded in myself which invites me to be more present.  How do you stay grounded in yourself?  How do you keep your mind from racing?  What is your perception of time?  Do you know how to slow time down for yourself?

The hunger to be

I have been reading the book, Hungry: The Truth about Being Full by Dr. Robin L. Smith.  It is great for a foodie like me to take in the metaphor of being full.  For me, it describes being at peace with yourself and what that may look like.  Dr. Smith shares her process and how her hunger continues to impact her journey. 

As a seeker, I am always hungry.  Hungry to explore and see what I am led to.  Hungry for opportunities to be the best self I am able.  Certainly, hungry to be all of me most of the time.  As the book points out, "the truth is we are all craving to be who we were born to be, and our souls are crying, "I'm dying to be me." 

The hunger pains can be difficult.  I know at times I avoid going into battle and choose to go along to get along.  I admit I have my moments when I let life get the best of me.  We have so many layers going on among all the "isms," responsibilities, and making it through the day.  As my seeker quest expands and fulls in more of my life, I choose more often to be the turtle against the hare and take things slow and steady.  I feed myself more often than not with knowledge, artistry, culture as well as with affirmations, stillness and movement.  Although, hunger is a constant, I look to fill myself up with positive and healthy items.  I strive for balance in life as much I strive for a balanced meal.

What are the things you crave in life?  How and why do you fill yourself up?  As I mention from time to time, detox your beliefs and release those that no longer serve you.  As Dr. Smith states, the truth is: "it is costly to ignore and deny yourself."  If you are not getting full, take a moment to look at what you are filling yourself up with. 

Compassion, the virtue

There is a heart meditation that Deepak Chopra leads that invites the words, peace, harmony, laughter and love to vibrate with your heartbeat.  We need more of these sentiments in the world today.  In this fear based society where violence lurks, we need to bring more kindness, compassion and love to light.  Martin Luther King Jr. captures it in the quote above. 

I talk about small acts of kindness often with this same intention.  We all can play a part in making this world a loving and peaceful place.   Make acts of kindness a priority in your life.  Start with yourself, do something kind for yourself, everyday.  I bet you can think of ways to be kinder to yourself, easily. 

I like to highlight compassion because I believe this will bring out the small acts of kindness.  Compassion sets up the stage for connection and correcting misunderstandings.  This is probably why we admire Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi so much.  They embodied compassion in a way we do not usually see.  Let's admire them and practice the lifestyle at the same time.  What kind act will you do for yourself today? 

Talking and other forms of healthy release help reduce violence.  Acts of kindness and compassion contribute as well.  Making that connection with someone, particularly when they feel isolated, and/or alone can make a difference.  As Mother Teresa reminds us, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless." 

The being and the doing

I don't think we talk about the difference between being and doing.  For the most part, we are all about the doing and getting things done.  For me, allowing myself to be enables me to get the doing part done more efficiently.  Now it is faster for us to communicate and we have so much power in the palm of our hands, doing is such a natural, rapid process.  Here are some reminders of how to instigate the being part of ourselves:

• Time out: when you really want to focus on something, it is okay to turn off your devices.  I even schedule silent time some mornings and entire weekend days.
• Practice non-attachment:  Do something off schedule, take a different route home, fit in something unplanned
• Take in the small things:  Feel the wind on your face, soak in some sun, check out the sunrise and/or sunset
• Sit in stillness: When you need a moment, take it whether at work or home. 
• Create something: write, paint, draw, creativity is such an inspiration. 

When I go with the flow of things and follow my instincts, I often surprise myself and come upon a happy accident.  I believe in one of the philosophies from the book, the New One Minute Manager by Spencer Johnson and Ken Blanchard, "People who feel good about themselves, produce good results."  For me the being and the doing can go hand in hand.   

Handle the truth?

The truth is a complex concept.  When we don't want to face the truth, we take a detour, circling other people's flaws and other focus points to avoid what we do not want to face.  Sometimes, we can't handle and/or don't want to handle the truth.  Like the famous line from the film, A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth," the truth can be hard to swallow.

At times, there are parts of ourselves that takes a process to digest in order to move toward acceptance.  Standing in front of the mirror reciting the genuine truth; what I know to be true, helps.  I find myself giving credit to my creativity when I am resourceful with handling the truth with how I perceive and express it.  I also credit my kindness when I hold back to gentle the blow for others.  We have to mindful about whether this is helpful or not.  It is not what you say, it is how you say it, right?

Our perception of events/situations has such a huge impact on how we take in the truth.  Some believe perception is truth, others believe perception is more important than truth.  Some believe truth can only be lived, others believe truth is perfect understanding of that which is.  What does truth mean to you?  How do you handle information, factual and otherwise?  What is your honesty process with yourself and others?

It is interesting how there is a handling of the truth.  We have to make decisions about whether we reject, process, share and/or adjust it.  The most important part of this all could start with "I" statements;  Beginning with taking responsibility for your version of the truth.  As the known phrase goes, "The truth shall set you free."