#Selfcare

Recently, it was great to spend a day on #selfcare with experienced non profit professionals who work and/or have worked with youth.  One can speak to self care in so many ways.  We explored the holistic layers of emotional, physical, cultural and mental health.  We explored how emotional triggers can take us on a deeper journey.  We explored the challenges of being of service and working within larger systems.  We also explored making concrete plans of #selfcare.

It was great to see that workshops dedicated to #selfcare were well attended.  Participants were open and ready to explore how to better navigate care strategies and work challenges.  What does self care mean to you?  How do you make space for yourself and your needs everyday?  How do you balance your commitments and putting yourself first?  How do you show up for yourself everyday?

I believe in developing healthy habits.  This is the way I practice self care.  Nobody knows yourself like you do.  I know that emotions embed themselves in my hips.  This is one of the reasons why I love and do yoga.  I like to be focused and to do that I need to clear my mind.  This is why I love and do meditation.  This is a habit that helps me prepare for the day.

I guess now is a great time to decide on what new practices you would like to take on for the new year.  I am not one for resolutions instead I enjoy implementing new routines for 30 days.  What is a new practice that would support you right now?  Make the commitment and get to it!

A grateful moment

Timing is everything.  Along the same lines as thanksgiving, I want to take a moment of gratitude and thank you for exploring small and big life questions with me.  As well as how to integrate small, healthy strategies into our lives and lifestyle.  Thank you for the questions, comments and thoughts. Thank you for the shares and likes.  Thank you for the discussions and invitations to discuss these explorations further.

I will be taking a break these next few weeks for a holiday and to spend quality time with a loved one who continues to have health struggles.  You can find me on twitter @coachclari for simple, daily positive messages.  I'll be back as I am only 8 posts away from finishing a second full year of posts.

Be well, be grateful and spread love and light where you can.  Happy Holidays.

Note to masculine self

However we identify ourselves on the spectrum of gender, we all have a masculine and feminine side. I strive to balance these sides and find that I am strong and caring.  As Brene Brown describes in her book, Rising Strong, you can hold boundaries and be compassionate.  Let's live in the gray as opposed to the black and white.

Before I was living a more balanced life, I would have to remind my masculine self of some things like you don't have to be right all the time.  Be conscious of when you are choosing competition over cooperation.  This part of ourselves can be like what Harriet Lerner describes in her book, The Dance of Connection, as over functioning.  Over-functioners prefer not  to feel and just would like to do.  When you move too fast you can miss some things.  You also can leave others behind.  Remember doing with as opposed to doing for builds community.

There is more power in community than trying to go at it alone.  Everyone can use a helping hand. The next time someone offers a true helping hand, take it.  The masculine self can isolate us and only give commands.  Your ego becomes a great partner, sometimes the only partner that is driving you away from your true self.  Don't be scared of those who are in need of help.  You actually are one of these people too.  The thing is that your masculine self only wants to give so pull in the feminine side and receive as well.

One of the hardest beliefs to let go is seeing everyone as a problem to solve.  When folks are sharing about their lives, it is not to seek resolution.  Sometimes what is will be.  Everyone has their own process, ask if they would like your help.  Most people know how they can use your help, just ask how you can help.  You may hear that it was helpful just being heard.  You may hear a request and have to really listen.  The request may not be what you want for the other person.  Leading is just as much about following as it is about leading.

The open road

I guess there is a certain comfort in travel being born of parents who were not born in the US.  My parents were smart and planned the summers ahead enough to get them off.  My sister and I traveled to summer sleep away camps, dance camps and stayed with family out of the country over the school break.

I find you learn so much in travels.  What is it about an open road that welcomes new adventures and new understandings.  It is a gift to experience something new and to get out of the usual surroundings.  You take in the sites, leaving you in the present moment.

I have been in snow in June in the Rocky Mountains.  I have viewed the Presidents at Mount Rushmore as well as Crazy Horse in South Dakota.  I have seen bears live more than I would like to admit.  I have been steps away from an alligator in the wild.  I have our National Parks to thank for this as much as my travels.

I have taken every mode of transportation available thus far.  One year, when a huge snow storm hit the east coast, it took me a plane, train and automobile to get home on one trip.  These are only  a hint of my domestic travels, my adventures abroad have even begun in my home airport.  Gloria Steinem writes about what she has learned from her travels in her new book, My Life on the Road.  I probably could write two books about my experiences on the road at home and abroad.

We have to figure out how to take the breaks like the ones we get on the road.  It can be a break from the normal, a break from all we know.  It can be a break from everyday pressures and a well needed mental break.  What is it about the open road that clears our heads, and rejuvenates the soul?  What is it about the open road that opens up new pathways and can help us easily change direction?  What is it about travel that expands our minds and hearts?

Laugh with me

I guess my soul is sensitive.  I find that when I watch, witness or hear about traumatic situations, they can stay with me  longer than I would like.  Knowing since I was a child that shaking off such ideas and situations does not come easy for me, I choose to avoid them as much I can.  I elect not to watch horror movies.  Lucky I made it through Halloween.  It has proven hard to avoid.

I have never been one to scare myself either.  The thrill of the amusement park came and went while I was a child.  I guess it is the excitement and thrill of the adventure.  I prefer to laugh instead.  Laughing is the best free medicine.  It can be a goal of mine, sometimes.  After I have had a lot of heavy emotions run through me, I find ways to release it with laughter.  My strive for balance helps bring it in.

Light-hearted moments keep my heart open and balanced.  I laugh about and to myself all the time. There are so many other benefits to laughing.  I love it when I am laughing so much to the point of almost crying and how my abs get a workout.  I love it when I am laughing and not thinking of anything else.  I love how laughing can make me feel better and positive.  When was the last time you had a good gut retching laugh?

I am grateful life does not always call on us to be super serious.  Learning to add playful elements into your life seems to get more challenging as years go by.  As adults we need to incorporate play time into our schedules.  I challenge you to schedule such time.  Look for that great comedy movie or show, spend some time with some children, they can certainly remind you of how to play.

Why religion?

It is a cultural norm in the US to avoid conversations on politics, sex and religion.  It is interesting for me because much larger conflicts could be avoided if we actually had these conversations no matter how sensitive it can be.  I think we are getting better about talking about religion.  The media has been enjoying leading the conversation on politics while sex is still lagging behind.

Oprah is certainly taking the lead on spiritual conversations including ones of religion.  Her recent series, Belief celebrates all religions and traditions all over the world.  I watched over and over again how belief can bring people together in so many different ways.  This is what I enjoyed about religion in my early years of life: just coming together in community.  Nothing builds community like common values and beliefs.

I take bits and pieces of religions to satisfy my spirituality.  I have read and continue to reflect on the Tao te Ching and sound like a Zen Buddhist at times.  I recognize and know how Catholicism naturally seeps out from my Latina culture and subsequently in some of my actions.  Thomas Moore seems to suggest something similar in the book, A religion of one's own.

It seems that nowadays, folks are okay with claiming their spirituality whether religious or not.  Of course this means something different to everyone, For some it does mean participating in the religion of their choosing.  For others, it can be yoga, quiet reflection, meditation, silent retreats or other activities.  The common belief is that there is a greater power among us.

I guess I haven't been one to shy away from the harder conversations.  I wouldn't suggest making religion, sex or politics the subjects of a first conversation,  If the subjects come up naturally and you are comfortable, why not engage?  Exploring in community may be just as beneficial as exploring on your own.  Either way the final decisions are up to you.

Disappointment

Disappointment is an interesting state.  If you do not move through it quickly and steadily, you will only get into serious emotional states like sadness, anger and desperation.  When you make decisions you want to come from a more loving space.  Letting go of the old can make room for the new.  Sometimes we could not even have imagined the good in new until it arrives.  Most times we can not plan it completely.

I am grateful to be disappointment free.  I can share with you why.  Disappointment is about feelings of missed opportunity and sadness/displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.  I have learned to let go of expectation and instead I set intentions and live out my high standards and values.  I also have let go of the strong belief that I have absolute control.  The only thing that I have control over are my decisions moment to moment.  I do not take the power over anyone approach and hope my influence and expertise can move people to make the best decisions.

Acceptance is what we must work on to move through disappointment.  It is hard to look at the bigger picture when feelings of a small defeat dominate.  How do you get back up after a fall?  How do you look at all the elements when you are blinded by the smallest detail? Brene Brown's latest book,  Rising Strong addresses such issues.  She introduces a three step process that can help you get up when you fall.

Here are some ways you can strength acceptance in the mist of disappointment:

Let it out:  One way to avoid getting caught up in only emotion is to get it out physically.  Cry, yell, do what you need to do to let it all out.  Emotions can trigger reactions that are more about the issue at hand.  Physical activity can move emotions out of the body.  Be sure to practice compassion and give yourself space and time to confront the larger issue.

Gratitude: Counting your blessings can bring in a positive side to situations.  How can you make room for the new and let go of the old?  What can you appreciate about the situation?

Take a time out:  Taking a step back, can allow you to be more honest with yourself and clearly see the bigger picture.  Use the situation as a learning tool.  What can you learn from what has happened? What deeper understanding do you have of yourself, now?