Simply Positive

"Woke up an optimist, sun was shinin', I'm positive."-Kanye West from song FourFiveSeconds.  Optimism is certainly easier as the spring and summer seasons approach.  Seeing light reminds us of the light in ourselves and all around.  Deciding to be an optimist is a choice.  It is about wanting and attaching kind and gentle life lessons.  We make the choice of what to believe.  What you say goes, so why not say something positive and beneficial to all. 

I have always had a tendency for positivity.  It has made all of the difference in my life.  Whether it is being open to a smile of your own or others.  It has enabled me to learn from every situation, encouraging the life long learner in me.  Optimism is simply good for your health.  When you feel good and think good thoughts, good things happen and continue to be attached to you.  Smiling and laughing are contagious.  Being positive can be too.

Being positive can start with a smile.  It starts with what I call a proud, "yes."  This is when you are so confident and secure in answering yes to a question someone asks.  "Yes" can sound better than a no when you are so sure of it.  Of course when you are confident in a "no", that feels good too.

Welcoming more positivity in your life can begin with saying no to things/activities and people you know you do not need/nor want in your life.  Make room for more positive people in your life.  Avoid gossip and bad mouthing others and avoid spending too much chunks of time watching news.  News can be hazardous to your health.  Instead pick up a hobby, explore and enjoy!  As Eleanor Roosevelt shared, "Do one thing that scares you, everyday."  Let's warm up our thoughts like the weather. 

My artist date

I actually have been in the practice of artist dates for some time now. I just did not have the language. For me, artist dates are about exploring new things on my own. I like my company enough to go on solo expeditions. At times, I prefer to do so in order to experience myself fully without judgment of my emotions and other parts of myself that may come up. Some of my favorite artist dates are just simple movie dates.

"Creativity lies in paradox: serious art is born from serious play."-from the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  After reading both the Artist's Way and the Joy Diet by Matha Beck, making a conscious intention to integrate play regularly into my life is a mindful task.  On one of my artist's date, I went to a Sesame Street exhibit.  It was so much fun to see all of my favorite Sesame Street characters on display like Bert and Ernie, the Count and cookie monster.  I witnessed how Sesame Street is experienced all over the world and watched an episode from London.  You could even draw your own muppets.  It was nice to see that I was not the only adult enjoying myself.  There were other adults there that were childless at the time. 

So artist dates are described as assigned play once a week where you explore something that interests you.  As Julia Cameron describes it, "The Artist Date need not be overtly "artistic"-think mischief more than mastery."  It is about encouraging creativity and imagination and refilling your creative well. For me this allows for play, inspiration and regeneration.  Everyone needs all of these elements in their lives.  On the Artist's Way blog there is a list of 101 ideas of how to spend an artist date.  I encourage you to google it, if you are interested in starting the practice. 

Another creative method assigned in the Artist's Way are the morning pages.  I definitely engage in the morning pages, my blog is a direct result of such.  For me, this is my dedicated time to writing.  Spending some time on your own to reflect and have fun is good for your health.  How are you spending some personal quality time?  How are you regularly renergizing yourself? 

Just smile

It is a joy to realize how much Mother Teresa spoke of smiling.  She has been quoted saying,"We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do," one of my favorite quotes.  A smile does a lot for me, I can only imagine how it may uplift others.  Mother Teresa has left us with other quotes like, "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person; a beautiful thing."

In honor of National Poetry Month, the following is a poem I have written about smiling:

Smiley

For all those who have called me Smiley and have asked why I smile-

I smile

For the life

For the breathe

For waking up

For what’s next

I smile

For the joy within my heart

For the love I receive

For the love I see

I smile

For those who can’t

Because of fear

Because of noise

Because of peer

I smile

For the moment

In full presence

For the memories I love

and let go

I smile

For the power

For its truth

To reach every

Cell and particle

With this truth

I smile

For the joy

For the beauty

For the world to enjoy

I smile

For the child

For the pure

For the cure

I smile

For those who hurt

For those who forget love

For those who need a hug

I smile

To attract another smile

To attract love

I smile

Because I feel

The world smiling back at me

Don’t you see?

By Clarissa Mendez

Defining Success

Defining success continues to evolve for me and also depends on the particular situation. Overall, nowadays, my definition of success moves between putting myself first in a healthy way and being happy. I know what is important to me in being successful; my happiness, kindness, creativity and community. Just like much of anything else, we need to define things solely for ourselves and see what works for us best. As you continue to update your values and priorities, different definitions should come easier and with clarity.

I remember growing up, the standard of success was a version of the American dream. I say a version of the American dream because my version came from growing up in an apartment not a house. It was about getting to college and then getting a good job. It did make me wonder was this all there was to life. Going to school then getting a job? This motivated my study of entrepreneurship and I proposed this as a solution, if you don't get a job, you start a business.

I was very fortunate to attend a junior high school that did not believe in grades instead we got long written evaluations from each teacher. It showed me how you can invest in individuals and their development. The feedback I received was priceless and perhaps this was the beginning of my value of giving and receiving feedback. How do grades really measure your success in school? Perhaps this experience also taught me the value in defining things for myself too.

As I have been engaged in the Oprah and Deepak Chopra's 21 day meditation challenge of manifesting true success, I now have my eye on incorporating 7 ways to use time in my life; sleep time, physical time, focus time, time in, time out, connecting time, and play time. I believe these time dedications will continue to push my success and how I measure it. Sleep time refers to getting a good night's rest. Focus time, is about giving your brain the security of concentration, a moment alone to concentrate on what you need to and what matters to you. Time in is about reflection and listening within, time out is about just being. Physical time is about letting your body be active and move; play time, time dedicated to being carefree, and finally connecting time is about connecting deeply with another person.

Time can certainly be a measure of success. It allows you to set realistic deadlines for goals. As Maya Angelou stated, "All great achievements require time." These 7 time dedications introduced by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel of the Mindsight Institute can help me make the most of my time. The time blogging allows for play time, connecting time and time in. I hope you are making the most of your time here; being the driver of your life and your achievements. Now that this is done, I will focus on some time out.

Are you commanding or demanding?

The difference is between leadership and being an authority. the difference between a place of strength and weakness. The difference between confidence and insecurity. Effective leaders choose a commanding experience. One filled with other "c" words like cooperation, community, consciousness, creativity and commitment.

The no-nonsense style of leadership seems to be outdated and ineffective now. Don't get me wrong, there are times when this leadership style needs to take center stage as long as it is not the only leadership style you use. Emphasis on community and shared leadership has proven to be successful nowadays. Instead of telling people what to do, it is more empowering to have them participate in the process. Naturally the style and strategies of leadership relates back to the followers, participants, the organizational context, the nature of the goals being pursued and the leaders themselves. There is much benefit to having many styles and strategies as opposed to only one.

Creating an environment of safety (on all levels including emotional safety) and trust takes cooperation and time. Leaders set the tone. Would you like everyone to work from fear or love, be on edge or be calm, be defenders or be present, engage in unhealthy or healthy competition. Building authority takes you one way and being a well rounded leader in another.

"Leadership is a choice, not a rank."-Simon Sinek discusses this in his TED Talk on why good leaders make you feel safe. I agree, I believe in leadership not authority. Being an authority provokes fear and in this position you may not have followers nor believers. Sinek goes on to talk about how feelings provoke trust and cooperation and how the environment influences your type of leadership. I believe this to be true as well. Whether you feel safe or not at work, it will show.

the Emotional Intellect

Emotional intelligence and emotional literacy is about feeling your feelings in the best way you can and in a safe and productive way. Emotions move us and influence our state of being. How come we barely talk about this? It is probably because we still are figuring out how to talk about this. Yes, we should talk about feelings more.

Daniel Coleman introduced the concept of emotional intelligence in the mid 90s with a book by the same name. Some would define emotional intelligence as a set of skills that help to identify, appropriately express and manage their emotions; develop effective relationships; cope with stress; adapt to change; and make good decisions. It differs from common sense. Emotional intelligence helps me to practice what I preach. It allows me to be an observer of myself and do my best. I believe this is what it takes to practice emotional intelligence, being an observer. It is about getting to know more about who you are and what your needs are from moment to moment.

I cannot stress enough the importance of emotional intelligence. It is the foundation for self awareness which leads to confidence, effective coping skills, deeper relationships, better decision making and overall success in community building and achieving one's goals. We have work to do in terms of changing the perception of emotions. It is about learning how to embrace emotions and feeling the feelings. We have been taught to suppress emotions, particularly boys in our society have been taught this from a young age. What have we seen this result in?, for some in explosions of anger from deep inside. Anger can be put to good use if you learn how to do so.

Emotional literacy (intelligence) is the entry point to empathy and compassion. If we raise the value of such intelligence, the world can be a better place. It is also the entry point to building wisdom and mastering ourselves. There is no end point and these skills certainly allow the journey to be more enjoyable for everyone. As a life coach, my role is to help people develop the observer in them. Your observer will enable you to get to know your needs as opposed to your wants in the moment. Let me be clear I am NOT talking about the desire to want other people to feel your feelings. I am talking about the courage to sit with your feelings yourself. My beautiful people, once again, let's talk about the feelings!

More "F" bombs

To view when I first dropped “F” bombs, cut and paste the following link:
http://coachclari.blogspot.com/2013/03/f-bombs.html

Feminism has been considered a bad word for some time. I think folks are not sure what it means and/or their associations of the word are negative. For me it is not about a definition, feminism much like hip hop is a verb. It is how you demonstrate equality, human rights and take a stand against any injustice. Are you with me?

Like the civil rights moment, a diverse force in moving a non-sexist agenda forward takes men, women and everyone together to achieve equality. Like the social media campaign #HeforShe is trying to do by inviting men to join the conversation of gender equality and demonstrate their support with posting a picture with #HeforShe. Cooperation is always needed in moving forward. By the way, this is also the way to engage young feminists, youtube, Instagram and twitter.

Feminists are pro-peace, pro-choice, pro-equality, pro-human rights, pro-equal pay for equal work. Everyone should be on board, these are basic human rights that we are talking about. Maybe feminism became a bad word because it ends like the strong, offensive bad words in society like racism, and sexism. My favorite feature of feminism is NOT about being or emulating another woman, it is about having Rosa Parks moments, Michelle Obama moments; action. I am proud to say I have had my share of such moments.

Some people do need a definition, one that describes the action is, the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men. Watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN this past weekend, I agree with what Sister Joan Chittister believes that things will not change in the world until the situation with women change. As a genuine and true feminist, I would be remise if I did not have any requests:

• Everyone has something to contribute (speak up). You don’t have to be marching in a protest to stand up for your rights and the rights of others. Like I said, feminism is a verb, speak up when you see an injustice at work, in your family, at school. Be a part of building a community and inclusive environment.
• Mentor and role model inclusive behavior. I have mentored both men and women. I challenge men to take on a female mentee. I challenge women to take on a male one. I challenge everyone to mentor someone who is very different from yourself, in the end you probably will find that there is not much difference. We all are human after all.
• Get involved in your community. Again feminism must be demonstrated everywhere; in the board room, at church, within a committee within your organization. Take on a community, your community, where you can be the feminist representative, (you can be a feminist whether you are male or female). That is the person who demonstrates such belief in a way that moves the entire community forward.

In honor of Women’s History Month, this week I will be posting quotes from some of my favorite women on twitter, follow me @coachclari and/or like me on facebook.com/coachclarissa to check them out.