Mindfulness: The Beautiful Struggle

For me, the beautiful struggle is at the center of holistic leadership. I write about this in the upcoming, The Empowered Woman out this August, 2014. The central struggle is between the inner thoughts we hold and the outside influences that surround us. No struggle should really exist. The choose is very clear and not easy to make; the inner response should be the only response. Too bad this is not as easy as you can imagine.

The service part of us allows for people pleasing to kick in. If you don’t have a strong foundation with your inner world, you can give in to outside messages that are not your own. This is why is it important to weed out the outside messages we receive constantly from every direction in life. One way to do so is to meditate. Some take a minute to check in with themselves during physical activity like going to the gym and/or going for a walk/run, writing in a journal, spending time doing a creative task... etc. How do you touch base within your inner world, daily?

Mindfulness is about developing the observer part of you. It takes practice to observe your thoughts and make decisions thereafter. With this practice, you will release the past and future and enjoy the experience of the present moment. Mindfulness is rooted in Buddhist philosophy and practices. It teaches focused intention and awareness, moving our thoughts in the most positive direction. Through the practice we can learn to move away from worries, difficult emotions and unwanted thoughts. Unlearning bad habits of the mind trains your mind to make better, positive choices.

All of the above activities enable us to distinguish between thoughts that are real and are not; Thoughts that originate from within and the others that do not. How do you embrace the thoughts that are nature to you? How do you let go of the thoughts that you no longer wish to hold on to? The thoughts that are not your own? You can not believe every thought that you have.

I believe strongly in performing a belief review. What are the principles and values you live by? This is another strong foundation you can look to when you are peeling away at your thoughts. Perform a values and beliefs review at least every three months. If there are messages that persist and continue to service you and others in a positive way, maintain such beliefs; If not release them. Everyone needs to update and reboot along the journey. Be sure to lift up the observer part of you, leading to decisions that sit best within your being. Mind + body + spirit alignment = a happy, balanced person.

Being of service

This week is National Volunteer Week. This only makes me think of how I am of service. I have enjoyed being on different non profit Board of Directors, volunteering for specific events, and currently I joined forces with the taproot foundation as a pro bono consultant. So many services and non profits grow and thrive because of their volunteers. In fact, volunteers are always needed in so many different capacities within many community based and non profit organizations.

The service part of our lives highlights our values and beliefs. Naturally, volunteering with an organization that you believe in is enough of an incentive for you to continue to participate in being of service. When you choose to volunteer, you usually do so free from expectations of whatever/whomever you are serving. Sometimes, your involvement may start off as an obligation and once you get introduced to the experience, your motivations may shift.

Volunteer work is a great way to continue to explore your passions and purpose. It is a great way to network and get to know a certain industry. It is also a great way to gain experience for your career and personal growth. The greatest benefit of all is that you feel good while you are giving back. It just feels nice to help others. Knowing that volunteers will step forward and promoting being a volunteer is why organizations like the Taproot Foundation and New York Cares exist and are hugely successful.

The first time I joined a non profit Board of Directors, it changed my life and how I looked at my career. As my leadership evolved, I took on more responsibility and eventually became the Board Chair. I started as a board member, then headed a committee, then planned a number of events. The benefits to being a volunteer are endless. Now, I am on the board of an organization in which I completed one program as a participant and initiated another program as a project manager. As a formal participant, I believe this is an opportunity to bring a unique perspective to the leadership of the organization.

Another incentive to volunteering can be to bring community together. Whether it is volunteering as a family and/or with a group of friends, it can be an occasion where you can spend time with loved ones and do something positive at the same time. We are actually wired for service. Whether you are a lawyer, nurse, and/or teacher, everyone is of service to a cause, group, person, and/or clients/customers. We function to serve. How are you of service? Being a volunteer usually gives us a break from the usual service we provide. Think about how you are of service to others. Be sure to volunteer when you are able and willing. And most of all, be sure that you are being of service to yourself, too.

The Artist in You

Exploring the creative sides of ourselves is so beneficial to our overall health. Today, innovative thinking and problem solving is a staple in leadership. I can’t think of any other way to build on these skills besides exploring the creative parts of your person. Creating can be done in so many ways like writing, painting, building, dancing, acting, designing, singing, photography, and all other areas of art. Creative expression has long been known to have an uplifting effect on people. It enhances communication, self expression, self esteem and confidence.

April is national poetry month. It just reminds me that we need to celebrate the artist in us all. Although, writing is something I am connected to now, dancing was the first art form I was apart of. It was probably the first fun that I learned from both of my parents. Their love of dancing salsa and merengue was infectious. I was put in dance classes at a young age and value to this day how it taught me so much about grace.

Last March, I had the opportunity to celebrate the dancer in me. I was invited by my sister friend and founder/director of Amor & Heritage to showcase the organization at a grantee and art grant conference. It was an honor and pleasure to dance side by side with someone I love and admire and it was great to celebrate her work and achievements. I love the way art brings people together. On that stage, I felt connected to her and the other dancers and responded to them in that instant. It was also amazing to bare witness to the dancers leaving their hearts on that stage. I am grateful for the dancer in me and how I was able to celebrate that part of me in community.

What is remarkable about Amor & Heritage is that not only does the organization invite others to join in multiculturalism through dance as an art form; it also passes along traditions and history with how the dances are taught and shared. The costumes are so authentic and maintain cultural tradition. It is a fun way to learn about history and get people of all ages dancing. There is just so many ways art can have an impact. Should you need to add a cultural performance to an event, Amor & Heritage is based out of Buffalo, New York and has performed throughout the state within reasonable budget and travel requirements; like them on facebook.

What is the first art form you became familiar with? What is the art form that excites you, now? How do you engage with the artist in you? How do you integrate these gifts with your day to day activities? How do you celebrate the artist in you? I admire the creative part of a person because I have found that it inspires, directs and motivates me in ways that are nurturing, and educational. Is there anything that does that for you? Honor your creative gifts and use them to help you problem solve and build community.

The Compassion Movement

I would like to highlight another powerful leading lady, Karen Armstrong. A former nun, she has written several books on religion. Her study of religions has brought to light the common practice of compassion. She continues to bring communities together to practice and spread compassion around the world.

There are not many global movements that I am aware of like the movement for compassion. Karen Armstrong has led the charge with her 2008 Ted Prize wish and books like Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life. She shares real strategies that make this movement a reality, all can engage in. This global movement highlights the significance of dialogue as opposed to debate; cooperation as opposed to competition. It infuses more balance between the masculine and feminine deeply rooted in the simplicity of the reviving of an ancient Golden Rule; “Always treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself….Don’t do to others what you would not like them to do to you.” To read and sign the charter for compassion, go to charterforcompassion.org.

Spirituality has been embraced particularly though the popularity of practices like yoga and meditation. The practice of compassion should not be left behind. The awareness of how acts of kindness positively affect others and those who carry out such acts out is rising. This is what compassion is all about. It is about the awareness and recognition that everyone has struggles. Be mindful that when you are having a great day, there may be others that are not.

Compassion is a great display of emotional intelligence. You must be open to other people’s emotional state and at the same time be aware of your own. Then you get to test your response ability. It also brings oneness into our daily lives by reminding us that when we come across someone in the middle of their struggles, we have our own; how do you want to be treated in such a moment? It is not about taking on other people’s struggles rather being receptive to what others may be feeling at the same time where we may be having a different feeling. It is about respecting what others are going through and taking care of oneself at the same time.

I invite you to live a more compassionate life; not only being compassion toward others but also to yourself. Through faith and forgiveness, feelings can move toward healing. You must forgive yourself when you are not so compassionate and try to stretch next time you have a hard time connecting with what others are going through. Remember that you have been there yourself in some kind of way. It will open up your heart space. I invite you to engage in random acts of kindness. Let a person know when they have a great smile and/or wish a person a great day. It will do wonders for your state of mind and you just might brighten up someone else’s day too. These are great small & simple steps toward making a more compassionate world.

Spring Forward

Spring is an exciting time to spring forward. What it is about seeing more of the sun and warmer temperatures that put everyone in a better, motivated mood? There is a relief about not having to protect ourselves from the brutal winter weather by being cooped up in warm indoor places. Although it is a fact in the northeast, that there are four seasons, I am not sure whether the transitions are any easier. I am thankful that winter is for reflection and that spring is about the growth of light. We spring forward our clocks and let the light be with us longer.

Easter is a celebration connected with springtime. What stands out about Easter is all the bright colors that come with the celebration. Spring is such a vibrant season. Flowers appear of all shapes, shades and sizes. More outdoor activities get on the calendar. It is easier to enjoy the outdoors because we are not shielding ourselves from freezing temperatures.

All transitions are opportunities. Spring is a time to start fresh and write new goals. It is an opportune time to revamp any experienced delays. A lot of us look forward to spring. More light means we have a better attitude and feel better about ourselves. Phrases like, “spring cleaning” and spring cleansings spring up. The motivation we wish we had during the winter seems to appear, probably because we are more willing to be out and about.

As the old saying goes out with the old and in with the new. With that, I am grateful for winter and certainly have been making room for spring and to spring forward. Some transitions are universal.

Let’s be reminded that the Goddess Ostara offers, “springtime is any time when the light increases within your mind and entire system.” This is a great time to start new projects and give birth to new conditions. Call upon her when you need more light in your life. We all are stars and should be shining all the time. Happy Spring, everyone! Let’s learn to shine in darkness and in light.

The Quiet Leader

I am a proud introvert. Although, most people do not believe me when I say it, I am happy to operate from a place of quiet and calm. Russell Simmons just recently released a new book, Success through Stillness. This book is demonstrating how to effectively advance your goals and dreams from the practice of quieting your mind. For many introverts, this comes naturally.

I am happy to see that being a powerful and effective leader is no longer only associated with extroverts. Although, we still have work to do in being inclusive as to who leaders are and what qualities they possess, at least there are many telling the stories of introverted leaders. A lot has been written about leaders like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and Abraham Lincoln who have been identified as introverted.

In the spirit of women’s history month, I would like to briefly highlight leaders that I see as quiet strengths. As a quiet leader myself, I appreciate and look up to Dolores Huerta for her strength, perseverance and loving spirit. She is one of my sheroes because so much of how she leads is how I lead. Her intuition and hard work took her leadership to the front of the farmer’s movement and as an advocate for children’s and immigrant rights. Introverts don’t boost and brag about their accomplishments which is why many people don’t know that she coined the phrase, “Si se puede” (yes, we can).

Susan L. Taylor is known for being the force behind Essence Magazine. My favorite part of her involvement with Essence was a column she wrote named, In the Spirit. She went on to reprint the collection of essays from her column in a book of the same name. The tales of her leadership experience both growth and struggles were expressed in personal and meaningfully ways; an aspect of my writings that I strive for. She uses her experiences to help others and now she is focused on doing so through mentoring and encouraging others to mentor young minds.

Susan Cain has been an instrumental leader in leading the conversation about quiet leadership with her book, Quiet; the Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking. Jennifer Kahnweiler has written two books on the subject, The Introverted Leader: Building on your Quiet Strength and Quiet Influence: the Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference. Kahnweiler highlights 4 key skills introverts possess; they prepare, push themselves, practice and are present.

Introverts may be reserved and understated, yet we make ourselves heard when we have something that needs to be said. All this while we manage to successfully operate within a world that champions extroverts. Next time you participate in a discussion, meeting and/or conversation think about your intentions with what you are going to share. Am I speaking just to speak or do I have something to say? Explore your quiet strength of leadership, perhaps you can learn to call upon this part of yourself when you need it most.

The Yin Yang Balance

The people who physically bring life into this world are hardly recognized. Mothers are unsung heroes, especially those who are raising children without any partners and within small communities of support. What do we need to do to move more women into positions of power & influence? A lot of time and energy well spent is put into providing the pathway for women to trail into positions of power and leadership. Not only do women leaders need to be uplifted, valued and visible, the feminine equation of the yin yang needs to be restored. Everyone can benefit from balancing the masculine and feminine energies we all hold within ourselves.

I appreciate male allies who stand for feminism and do their best to hold spaces for the feminine. I think is it important to be reminded what this means? Our view has been distorted with qualities of male dominance (yang) having driven the direction of leadership and power for so long. Naturally, not all masculine qualities we hold are bad; I am suggesting that we raise our awareness to balance out these qualities with the feminine ones that are already present within us. If you notice you are coming on to strong perhaps take a step back and listen for a bit. If you have been pushing yourself to do something so desperately, stop for a moment and ask yourself what your intentions are?

This imbalance of these energies leads to illness, burn out, and bad feelings about yourself and those around you. What can you do to work toward the balance? One feminine quality that continues to be a necessity is one of introspection. The culture of busy has been tolerated for too long. Mistakes could be avoided if we were open to kind self analysis that connected us with true feelings and allowances to listen to that intuitive inner voice. The term “burn out” was conceived out of workers driving themselves so hard that they knocked themselves out. To avoid burn out, balance needs to be a practice. For checks and balances to be in place, regular feedback certainly can help. Giving ourselves permission to say “no” also is a healthy practice. I don’t use the word practice lightly; you must learn and practice these habits in order to restore more balance.

What are your favorite masculine qualities? What are your favorite feminine qualities? None of them will make you less of a man, woman, and/or however you choose to identify yourself. The entire point of the yin and yang is to flow with the balance of both energies; they should exist together even though they are direct opposites, like dark and light, cold and hot, passive and active, the moon and the sun. One can not exist without the other; actually they rely on each other. How do they work together for you and make you a happy, balanced person? You can be tough and tender at the same time. I encourage you to embrace the yin as much as the yang. Look for the softer qualities in yourself that work with the harder qualities. Look for the quietness in action and the action in quietness.